Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How ‘Small’ Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life

About the Book

'If you've ever wondered about, worried about, and avoided talking to strangers, this book might change your mind. ' Angela Duckworth, author of Grit.

Gillian Sandstrom, 'one of the world's experts...on conversational canapes.' The Times

In an age when we live head down in our phones, working remotely and wary of strangers, interacting with our fellow human beings feels increasingly uncomfortable. And the result - an epidemic of loneliness and isolation in a polarised society. Over 80% of people say they have experienced loneliness with the old and young suffering the most.

In Say Hello to Strangers, Professor in the Psychology of Kindness and a self-confessed introvert Gillian Sandstrom, draws on her own experiences as well as the latest scientific research to show the life-transforming potential of a tiny everyday exchange with a stranger. For Gillian, such moments led to an entirely new career, a move to a new country and meeting her life partner.

Not every exchange that you have, whether it's with the person who makes your coffee or the one you stand next to in a lift, will lead to such momentous events but they will give you a tiny moment of joy, a spark of connection, the recognition of a fellow human. Just start small...look up, and say hello - you never know where the conversation will lead.

About the Author :
Gillian Sandstrom is a Professor in the Psychology of Kindness at the University of Sussex. Her research has been has been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and The Atlantic, as well as other outlets around the world. She has been interviewed for major podcasts and radio shows, including Hidden Brain, NPR's Life Kit, and Claudia Hammond's All in the Mind.

Review :
If you've ever wondered about, worried about, and avoided talking to strangers, this book might change your mind about giving strangers their space. Gillian Sandstrom's voice is at once wise and warm. While her insights are grounded in rigorous research, they never feel overly academic. The result is immediately relatable and deeply necessary. A fascinating, fun, and inspiring look at all the good things that happen when we set aside our hang-ups, re-enter the world, and talk to strangers. Gillian Sandstrom makes her case for talking to strangers using research, expertise, and a reading experience that feels like sitting in a pub and having a chat with a friend. Her subject matter couldn't be more crucial in a world that's suffering from a loneliness epidemic, but the book is welcoming, compassionate, and filled with cheery humor. In Once Upon a Stranger, Gillian draws on decades of research, including her own groundbreaking work and personal experiments, to make a case I find completely persuasive: small talk isn't small at all. Instead, it's a gateway to belonging, opportunity, and meaning.

She also gives you the tools to actually do it - how to quiet your inner critic, cross the "liking gap," and start conversations that could change your career, your relationships, or the trajectory of someone else's day. You might even discover that a stranger has been carrying the missing puzzle piece for the next chapter of your life. Read this book, and you won't just believe a simple "hello" matters. You'll want to try it for yourself. Sandstrom is not merely arguing that small talk is pleasant.... A stranger is not only a possible future friend, source of information, or opportunity. A stranger is part of the medium through which a day acquires texture, friction, surprise, recognition, relief. To lose those contacts is not just to become lonelier in a broad epidemiological sense. It is to inhabit a thinner world.