Turn thoughts into positive action with neuro-linguistic programming Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) has taken the psychology world by storm. So much more than just another quick-fix or a run-of-the-mill self-help technique, NLP shows real people how to evaluate the ways in which they think, strategise, manage their emotional state and view the world. This then enables them to positively change the way they set and achieve goals, build relationships with others, communicate and enhance their overall life skills. Sounds great, right? But where do you begin? Thankfully, that's where this friendly and accessible guide comes in!
Free of intimidating jargon and packed with lots of easy-to-follow guidance which you can put in to use straight away, Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies provides the essential building blocks of NLP and shows you how to get to grips with this powerful self-help technique. Highlighting key NLP topics, it helps you recognize and leverage your psychological perspective in a positive fashion to build self-confidence, communicate effectively and make life-changing decisions with confidence and ease.
- Includes updated information on the latest advances in neuroscience
- Covers mindfulness coaching, social media and NLP in the digital world
- Helps you understand the power of communication
- Shows you how to make change easier
If you're new to this widely known and heralded personal growth technique—either as a practitioner or homegrown student—Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies covers everything you need to benefit from all it has to offer.
Table of Contents:
Introduction 1
About This Book 2
Conventions Used in This Book 3
What You’re Not to Read 3
Foolish Assumptions 3
Icons Used in This Book 4
Beyond the Book 5
Where to Go From Here 5
Part I: Getting Started with NLP 7
Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP 9
Introducing NLP 9
Providing a few quick definitions 11
Considering where NLP started and where it’s going 11
Offering a note on integrity 12
Encountering the Pillars of NLP: Straight Up and Straightforward 13
Discovering Models and Modelling 15
Employing the NLP communication model 15
Modelling excellence 16
Using NLP to Greater Effect 16
Understanding that attitude comes first 17
Being curious and confused are good for you 17
Changing is up to you 17
Having fun on the way! 18
Chapter 2: Identifying Some Basic NLP Assumptions 19
Introducing NLP Presuppositions 20
The map is not the territory 20
People respond according to their map of the world 22
There is no failure, only feedback 23
The meaning of communication is the response it elicits 25
If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different 26
You cannot not communicate 28
Individuals have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes 29
Every behaviour has a positive intent 29
People are much more than their behaviour 31
The mind and body are interlinked and affect each other 32
Having choice is better than not having choice 34
Modelling successful performance leads to excellence 35
Final Words on Presuppositions: Suck Them and See 35
Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life 37
Grasping How Your Fears Can Drive You in the Wrong Direction 38
Distinguishing between conscious and unconscious 39
Understanding your quirky unconscious mind 39
Delving Inside the Brain 42
Looking at the three key parts 42
Recognising neuroplasticity as the basis for development 43
Tracking Information: Your Reticular Activating System 44
Examining How Memories Are Created 46
Encountering post‐traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 47
Handling phobias 48
Employing the NLP Fast Phobia Cure 49
Accepting That Beliefs and Values Make a Difference 50
Getting to grips with the power of beliefs 50
Working with your values 52
Daydreaming Your Future Reality 58
Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life 59
Taking Control of Your Memory 59
Seeing It Because You Believe It 61
Focusing on blaming others 62
Getting stuck in a problem frame 63
Shifting into the outcome frame 64
Following the Path to Excellence 64
Knowing what you want 65
Becoming smarter than SMART: Creating well‐formed outcomes 66
Using the Four‐Point Formula for Success 72
Spinning the Wheel of Life 73
Keeping a Dream Diary of Your Goals 74
Just Go for It 76
Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People 77
Chapter 5: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication 79
Getting to Grips with the Senses 80
Filtering reality 81
Hearing how people are thinking 83
Listening to the World of Words 86
Glimpsing into the world of synaesthesia 86
Building rapport through words 87
Bringing on the translators 90
Acknowledging the Importance of the Eyes 91
Making the VAK System Work for You 95
Chapter 6: Creating Rapport 97
Knowing Why Rapport is Important 98
Recognising rapport when you see it 99
Identifying people with whom you want to build rapport 99
Introducing Basic Techniques for Building Rapport 102
Sharpening your rapport following eight quick tips 102
Viewing the communication wheel and developing rapport 103
Matching and mirroring 105
Pacing to lead other people successfully 107
Building rapport in virtual communication 108
Knowing How to Break Rapport and Why You May Want To 110
Discovering how to break rapport sensitively 110
Grasping the power of the word ‘but’ 112
Understanding Other Points of View 113
Exploring perceptual positions 114
Looking into the NLP meta‐mirror 114
Chapter 7: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs 119
Getting to Grips With Meta‐Program Basics 120
Looking at meta programs and language patterns 121
Exploring meta programs and behaviour 121
Being Proactive/Reactive 123
Moving Towards/Away From 124
Discovering Options/Procedures 128
Delving Into the Internal/External 129
Going Global/Detailed 130
Recognising Sameness, Sameness with Difference and Difference 133
Tackling Time Perspectives 136
Combining Meta Programs 138
Developing Your Meta‐Program Skills 139
Chapter 8: Pushing the Communication Buttons 141
Understanding the Process of Communication 142
Scenario 1 143
Scenario 2 144
Introducing the NLP Communication Model 144
Processing pieces of information 145
Getting to grips with individual responses 148
Giving Effective Communication a Try 155
Part III: Opening the Toolkit 157
Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors 159
Starting Out With NLP Anchors 160
Setting an anchor and building yourself a resourceful state 161
Eliciting and calibrating states 162
Developing your own repertoire of anchors 164
Recognising your own anchors 165
Going Through the Emotions: Sequencing States 166
Altering states with anchors 167
Getting with the baroque beat 168
Walking in someone else’s shoes 169
Becoming Sophisticated with Anchors 170
Changing negative anchors 170
Deploying stage anchors 172
A Final Point About Anchors 174
Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience 175
Recording Your Experiences with Your Submodalities 176
Grasping the Basic Info: What You Need to Know Before You Begin 177
Associating or dissociating 177
Defining the details of your memories 178
Getting a little practice 182
Understanding Your Critical Submodalities 183
Making Real‐Life Changes 184
Removing the pain from an experience 185
Changing a limiting belief 185
Creating an empowering belief 186
Getting rid of that backache 187
Using the swish 188
Submodalities Worksheet 189
Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels 191
Understanding Logical Levels 191
Asking the right questions 193
Taking logical levels step‐by‐step 194
Employing practical uses for logical levels 195
Finding the Right Lever for Change 196
Environment 197
Behaviour 198
Capabilities and skills 199
Beliefs and values 200
Identity 203
Purpose 204
Figuring Out Other People’s Levels: Language and Logical Levels 205
Teambuilding at Work and Play: A Logical Levels Exercise 205
Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs 207
Witnessing the Evolution of Strategies 208
The S–R model 208
The TOTE model 208
The NLP strategy = TOTE + modalities 209
The NLP strategy model in action 210
The Eyes Have It: Recognising Another’s Strategy 211
Flexing Your Strategy Muscles 213
Linking strategies and the logical levels model 214
Acquiring new capabilities 214
Recoding your programs 216
Grasping the importance of the ‘how’ 216
Using NLP Strategies for Love and Success 218
Loving the deep love strategy 218
Influencing people with strategies 220
Spelling out the NLP spelling strategy 221
Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life 225
Understanding How Your Memories Are Organised 227
Discovering Your Time Line 228
Changing Your Time Line 229
Travelling Along Your Time Line to a Happier You 232
Releasing negative emotions and limiting decisions 233
Finding forgiveness 236
Comforting the younger you 236
Getting rid of anxiety 236
Creating a better future 238
Chapter 14: Ensuring Smooth Running Below Decks 241
Getting to Grips with a Hierarchy of Conflict 242
Drifting from Wholeness to Parts 244
Understanding a part’s intentions 244
Getting to the heart of the problem 245
Help! I’m in Conflict with Myself 246
Listening to your unconscious mind 246
Taking sides 246
Becoming Whole: Integrating Your Parts 247
Trying the visual squash technique 247
Reframing – as if 249
Resolving Bigger Conflicts 251
Part IV: Using Words to Entrance 253
Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model 255
Gathering Specific Information with the Meta Model 256
Deletion – you’re so vague 259
Generalisation – beware the always, musts and shoulds 261
Distortion – that touch of imagination 264
Using the Meta Model 266
Taking two simple steps 266
Remembering a few caveats 267
Chapter 16: Unleashing the Power of Hypnosis 269
Discovering the Language of Trance – the Milton Model 270
Comparing language patterns and the Milton Model 271
Meeting other aspects of the Milton Model 272
Finding your own preferred model 274
Understanding the art of vagueness and why it’s important 274
Going Deeper into Hypnosis 276
Becoming comfortable with the idea of hypnosis 277
Experiencing everyday trances 279
Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious: Stories, Fables and Metaphors 283
Processing Stories and Metaphors 284
Understanding the Stories of Your Life 284
Getting to grips with storytelling basics 284
Working on your storytelling 285
Passing on a gift to the next generation 287
Grasping the Power of Metaphors 287
Using metaphors in NLP 288
Applying metaphors to find new solutions 289
Employing direct and indirect metaphors 290
Building Your Own Stories 291
Using the personal story builder journal 292
Discovering more ways to flex your storytelling muscles 293
Using subtle persuasion 294
Adding loops to your story: And this reminds me of 295
Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions 299
Question‐Asking Tips and Strategies 300
Cleaning up your language: Removing bias 300
Recognising that the way you behave is what counts 305
Pressing the pause button 305
Testing your questions 306
Making positive statements the norm 306
Figuring Out What You Want 306
What do I want? 307
What’s that going to do for me? 307
Asking Questions to Help Make Decisions 308
Challenging Limiting Beliefs 309
Finding the Right Person for the Job: A Question of Motivation 310
What do you want in your work? 311
Why is that important? 311
How do you know that you’ve done a good job? 312
Why did you choose your current line of work? 312
Checking In with Yourself 313
Part V: Integrating Your Learning 315
Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling 317
Developing New Skills through Modelling 318
Recognising that modelling is a natural human talent 320
Getting to a deeper structure 321
Discovering Modelling Case Studies 322
The reluctant exemplar 323
The rainmakers’ dance 324
Key Stages in Modelling 325
Knowing your modelling outcome 326
Identifying your exemplar 326
Finding a modelling method you can work with 327
Gathering your data 328
Building your model 329
Testing the prototype 330
Refining for simplicity 331
Chapter 20: Making Change Easier 335
Finding Clarity and Direction 336
Understanding the Structure of Change 337
The Kubler‐Ross grief cycle 337
Applying the NLP logical levels 340
Holding On to Values 346
Grasping the Importance of Clear Communication 346
Creating the Mindset for Change 348
Letting go of fear 348
Being willing to experiment 351
Getting Help on the Way 352
Strengthening resources 352
Pacing the future 353
Planning the road map 353
Taking One Step Forward 354
Making that initial move 354
Celebrating and gaining closure 354
Part VI: The Part of Tens 357
Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP 359
Developing Yourself 359
Managing Your Personal and Professional Relationships 360
Negotiating a Win–Win Solution 361
Motivating and Leading Staff 362
Creating Powerful Presentations 363
Managing Your Time and Precious Resources 365
Being Coached to Success 365
Using NLP to Support Your Health 366
Connecting to Your Audience: Advice for Trainers and Educators 367
Getting the Best Job for You 369
Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library 371
Changing Belief Systems with NLP 371
The User’s Manual for the Brain 371
Core Transformation 372
Frogs into Princes 372
Influencing with Integrity 372
An Insider’s Guide to Sub‐Modalities 372
The Magic of Metaphor 373
Metaphors We Live By 373
Persuasion Skills Black Book 373
Presenting Magically 373
Chapter 23: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes 375
Avatar 375
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 376
Dune 377
As Good as It Gets 378
Bend It like Beckham 379
Field of Dreams 380
Gattaca 380
The Matrix 381
Stand and Deliver 381
Philomena 382
NLP at the Cinema 383
Part VII: Appendixes 385
Appendix A: Resource List 387
Contacting the Authors 387
Online Resources 388
Appendix B: Rapport Building 389
Appendix C: The Well‐Formed Outcome Checklist 391
Appendix D: Submodalities Worksheet 393
Submodalities Worksheet 394
Index 395
About the Author :
Nancy C. Muir is the owner of a writing and consulting company that specializes in business and technology topics. She has authored more than 100 books, including Laptops For Seniors For Dummies and iPhone For Seniors For Dummies. Nancy holds a certificate in Distance Learning Design and has taught Internet safety and technical writing at the college level.
