Playing the Lying Game: Detecting and Dealing with Lies and Liars, from Occasional Fibbers to Frequent Fabricators

Whether it's in business or politics, between friends, inside a family, or within intimate relationships, lies abound. This book examines who lies and why, identifies six types of lies and liars, and suggests how to protect yourself from manipulation. Everyone lies, perhaps to protect the feelings of another, perhaps to secure a deal that will, in the end, benefit all parties. But where is the line between a "good lie" and a harmful prevarication—and how do we recognize and protect ourselves from the latter? In Playing the Lying Game: Detecting and Dealing with Lies and Liars, from Occasional Fibbers to Frequent Fabricators, accomplished author Gini Graham Scott shares psychological insights into lying that will help answer such questions—and many more. Scott examines every facet of lying, including its history, cultural connections, and motivations. She identifies six types of lies and liars and explains how to detect each type, whether one is confronted with the occasional fibber or a sociopathic, compulsive liar. The book covers lies told in business and politics, lies among friends, lies between dates, married couples, and family members, as well as lies we tell our ourselves. Finally, Scott offers a Lie-Q Test that will help us see how savvy we are—or are not—in detecting fibs, mistruths, and downright deceptions.

Table of Contents:
Introduction Part I Why Do We All Lie? 1 The Pervasiveness of Lying When Is Something a Lie? How Animals and Plants Deceive The Trickster Figure in Human Myth The Morality and Social Dynamics of Lying 2 Why the Lie? The Reasons and Justifications for Lying Types of Lies The Reasons for Lying Justifying the Lie Reactions to the Lies of Others Part II Identifying the Different Types of Liars 3 How and Why Different Types of People Lie The Major Types of Liars The Parallels between Lying and Making Ethical Choices The Major Ethical Approaches We Use in Everyday Life The Major Ethical Approaches Applying the Major Ethical Approaches in Everyday Life Introducing the Ethical Choices Map The Four Key Dimensions in Making Choices Different Ways of Making Choices in Different Situations The Zones of Making Ethical Choices and Choosing to Lie or Not Assessing Where You and Others Fall on the Ethical Choices Continuum The Style of Choice People Use Determining Your Own Style of Making Choices Assessing Your Self/Other Orientation Determining Your Own Orientation Understanding Your Philosophy or Values Recognizing Your Approach to the Rules Assessing Your Own Attitude to the Rules The Relationship between Style, Orientation, Philosophy, and Attitude toward Rules Using the Four Different Dimensions in Resolving an Ethical Dilemma 4 Taking the Lie-Q Test: Learning Where You Fit What's Your Lie-Q Part III Lying in Public and Professional Life 5 Everyday Social Lies Covering Up Real Feelings and Opinions Creating a Better Image or Appearance Avoiding Unpleasant or Undesirable Contacts Little Lies Dealing with Everyday Lies Yourself 6 Lying in Public Who Is Most Likely to Lie Lying to Neighbors 7 Lying at Work Organizational Lies Employer Lies Setting the Tone Lying by Employees To Get a Job or Promotion To Make Excuses or Cover Up Delays, Lack of Work, and Mistakes To Obtain a Forbidden Goal or Take Advantage To Gain Alternate Goals or Priorities Lying by Coworkers and Colleagues Gaining a Competitive Advantage Undermining Other Employees 8 Lying in Business Lies to Look Good Taking the Credit and Making Can-Do-It Claims When One Can't Lies for Revenge The Case for Honesty and Ethics in Business Part IV Lying in Personal and Private Life 9 Lying to Friends and Relatives Lying to Friends Lies to Help and Protect Lies to Embellish and Entertain Lack of Dependability and Follow-up Lies Money Lies Lies to End the Friendship Lying to Relatives Lies of Avoidance Lies to Impress Lies about Money, Jealousy, and Revenge 10 When Men and Women Lie—The Dating Game Lies to Yourself Lies to Avoid Getting Involved or More Involved in the Relationship Getting Out of Dates Lies to Avoid Intimacy Lies to Exaggerate, Show Off, and Increase Self-Esteem Persuading by Use of Lies about What Others Do Lies to Conceal an Important Truth about Oneself Other Lies to Get Sex or Avoid Uncomfortable Discussions about It Lies in the Heat of Passion Lies about Seeing Others Mixing Lies, Love, and Money Lies in Fights The Response to Lies The Desire for and the Dangers of Honesty 11 Lies with Husbands, Wives, and Intimate Others Lies and Sex Lying and Affairs Types of Concealments and Justifications Revealing and Reaction to the Lie Lies to the Other Man or the Other Woman Lies When the Marriage Ends 12 The Lies of Parents and Children What Parents Tell Children about Lying When Parents Lie Lies to Protect Feelings Lies to Conceal Opinions or Disapproval to Avoid Undue Influence Lies to Conceal Inappropriate Information Lies to Get a Child to Do Something or Not Do Something When Children Lie Lies to Escape Punishment Lies to Conceal Unapproved Activities Lies to Impress Lies to Help and Protect Others Teenage Dating Lies 13 Lying to Oneself Why the Self-Lie? The Forms Self-Denial and Lying Take Lying about One's Own Abilities or One's Business The Effects of Self-Lying in Relationships Lying to Oneself about Personal Problems and Limitations Overcoming the Self-Lie 14 The Strategy of Deceiving and Perceiving The Success of Deception The Strategies for Telling a Lie The Strategies for Perceiving a Lie Discovering Leakages Discovering Deception Clues Major Clues in the Words, Voice, or Body Discovering Clues in the Overall Social Context Clues to Look For Conclusion To Confront or Not to Confront the Lie? Is the Confrontation Worth It? The Importance of Being Diplomatic or Tactful When to Confess or What to Do about Getting Caught Some Considerations on Whether to Lie When to Reveal or Confess the Lie The Role of Forgiveness Toward a Solution in Dealing with Lying Look at the Whys behind the Lie Be Ready to Call People on Their Lies Create a Supportive Environment for Truth Telling Tell the Truth to Yourself Use the Truth for Building and Healing Relationships Recognize the Long-Term Advantages of Being Committed to the Truth Appendix: Ethical Choices Mapping Instrument Notes Index