★ Gold Medal Winner of the 2026 Illumination Book Award, honored for literary excellence, emotional depth, and transformative storytelling.
"Why would God condemn me for something I didn't choose and couldn't change?"
Raised in the rural Deep South - poor, abused by a mentally ill mother - John Wilson found refuge in a fire-and-brimstone Pentecostal church that promised salvation and demanded absolute obedience, where safety came through conformity.
He became the man they needed him to be.
A pastor.
A husband.
A father.
He was also a gay man living a life that was never his own.
When tragedy struck and the truth surfaced, it cost him everything: his marriage, his ministry, his community, and even the God he believed demanded his sacrifice.
What followed was not a fall from grace, but a reckoning-an unmaking of shame and a search for a faith that could survive honesty.
At its heart, this is a love story between a father and his daughters - a man fighting to stay in their lives, discovering grace beyond the walls of religion and a love that no longer requires hiding.
Harrowing, hopeful, and deeply human, Straight to Hell is an award-winning memoir of faith deconstruction, religious trauma, and LGBTQ identity, for anyone who had to lose their salvation to find their soul.
For readers of Boy Erased and Educated, this is not just a story of loss.
It is the cost of telling the truth-and the life that becomes possible when you finally do.
Now a clinical psychologist, John returns to the ruins to make meaning of what was lost and to help others reclaim what was taken.
Includes a clinically informed discussion guide and reflection resources-well-suited for book clubs, classrooms, and therapeutic or faith-based discussion groups.
About the Author :
John Wesley Wilson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist, award-winning author, and former Evangelical pastor whose work confronts the cost of belonging when it requires self-erasure.Raised in poverty and abuse in the Deep South, he found refuge in Pentecostal Christianity-until his sexual orientation emerged and faith demanded denial. Believing obedience would bring healing, he married, became a father, and entered the ministry, preaching against the very truth he was hiding.After decades of repression, his inner world collapsed, becoming the catalyst for a painful-and ultimately liberating-awakening.Blending psychological insight with lived experience, John now helps others recover from religious trauma, identity shame, and spiritual abuse. His award-winning memoir, Straight to Hell, offers a searing and compassionate account of what happens when faith and truth collide-and the freedom that follows.He lives in Atlanta, Georgia, where he maintains a private therapy practice and continues to write and speak on faith deconstruction and psychological healing.
Review :
"This memoir stood out to our judges not only for its quality but for the faith and purpose woven throughout its pages. Heart-led storytelling that makes a difference for readers seeking something meaningful and edifying."
-Judges' Citation, 2026
Illumination Christian Book Awards (Gold Medalist, Memoir / Personal Struggle)
"A vulnerable, generous, and impressively polished memoir, this story pulses with grace, emotional clarity, and fierce authenticity. The writing is vivid and image-driven, with moments of devastating insight. With memory as a central character and a narrator who earns our trust from the first page, this is an unforgettable journey of resilience, transformation, and truth."
-Lia Ottaviano, New York-based editor, book coach, and content strategist; former Associate Editor at John Wiley & Sons
"Straight to Hell is John Wilson's remarkable account of losing his lifelong faith and finding his true self. With candor, insight, and emotional clarity, he shares hard truths without a shred of self-pity, illuminating the deep damage caused by rigid fundamentalist belief systems-and the generational grief, shame, and pain they leave in their wake. Wilson's story is a powerful testament to the courage it takes to say, 'Enough.'"
-Elizabeth Ridley, coauthor (with Pamela Jones) of The Dirt Beneath Our Door: My Journey to Freedom After Escaping a Polygamous Mormon Cult
(Matt Holt Books, 2025)
