"Gotta Laugh to Keep from Crying: I Didn't Start Living Until I Thought I Was Dying" is a raw, unfiltered memoir about pain, perseverance, and transformation. Told through the eyes of Duane Bowser-formerly known as The Black Dot-this story peels back the layers of what it means to survive trauma while wearing a smile, to laugh when all you want to do is scream, and to find purpose in the very pain that once tried to destroy you.
From the gunshots of the Bronx to the quiet, aching moments of childhood neglect, Duane shares a powerful truth-sometimes our loudest laughs come from the deepest wounds. This is not just his story-it's the story of anyone who's ever masked their heartbreak with humor, smiled to avoid crying, or carried trauma for so long that it started to feel like a part of you.
In this deeply personal journey, Duane confronts the trauma he tucked away for decades-addictions, abandonment, illness, shame-and shows what it really takes to heal from a life of constantly being in survival mode. It's about the boy who saw too much, the teen who numbed the pain, and the man who had to go back and face it all just so he could move forward. However, in doing so, he found true laughter, love, legacy, and himself. This is a story for the overcomers. The silent sufferers. The heroes who cry behind closed doors. If you've ever hidden your tears behind jokes, pushed through life while carrying invisible wounds, or wondered if healing was even possible-this book is your mirror.
You are not alone. This is more than a memoir-it's a movement. A guide. A healing anthem for those ready to reclaim their voice, confront their past, and finally start living.
About the Author :
Duane Bowser, aka The Black Dot, is a writer, author, poet, recording artist, content creator, and entrepreneur. He released his first album in 1988 with a group called "Tall, Dark, and Handsome" with the infamous B-Boy Record label. In 1991, Duane went on a world tour as a hype man and band member for Columbia Records artists and Bronx legend, Tim Dog. In 2011, he went on to release his first solo album titled "Walk with Me" with his own independent label, which heavily inspired his memoir, "Gotta Laugh to Keep from Crying: I Didn't Start Living Until I Thought I Was Dying."
His writing career began with his debut book, "Hip Hop Decoded," which became critically acclaimed in 2005. He later released a follow-up book titled "Urban Culture Decoded," following the great reviews that his first novel had produced. Later, in 2018, Duane started a podcast with his son, Malcom, titled "The Urban X Podcast." It has become known as the #1 father and son podcast and has grown to nearly seventy thousand subscribers, along with millions of listeners.
Additionally, Duane is an educator, lecturer, and urban scholar. However, he is most proud to be a father of four, a grandfather, and a loving husband.
