No One Taught Me How to Be a Man: What a Trans Man's Experience Reveals about Masculinity

An exploration of manhood and what it takes to be a good man in a world of toxic masculinity, from trans author Shannon Kearns. No one ever taught Shannon Kearns how to be a man. As a trans man, Shannon was presumed female at birth and constructed his relationship with masculinity after his transition, using bits and pieces he gathered from the world around him: male behavior, pop culture portrayals, and cultural expectations for men that seemed to be in the air he breathed. But rather than separating him from the experiences of cisgender men, Kearns's self-taught approach to masculinity connected him with other men in surprising ways. As he lived more and more in the world of men, he discovered that cis men's relationship to masculinity was similar to his. No one taught them how to be a man either. They worried they were doing it wrong. And they were almost universally worried about being "found out," exposed as not being a "real man." In No One Taught Me How to Be a Man, Kearns takes masculinity head-on. He uses his experience to "see" gender in ways cis men cannot, making masculinity visible. Without arguing that masculinity should be done away with, or that there is no real difference between men and women, he bravely points toward a form of manhood built for the well-being of the world, and for people of all genders.

About the Author :
Shannon T. L. Kearns is a transgender man who believes in the transformative power of story. He is an ordained priest, writer, and theologian whose work revolves around making meaning. He is also a sought-after speaker on transgender issues and religion, as well as a skilled workshop facilitator. Kearns's work with Brian G. Murphy at QueerTheology.com, which he co-founded, has reached more than a million people all over the world through videos, articles, and online courses.

Review :
"Kearns recounts his transition into masculinity with candor and authenticity, revealing the complexities hidden in our assumptions about what masculinity is and is not, while also asking poignant questions along the way. At once an inquiry into traditional notions of cisgender masculinity, a roadmap for change, and an analysis of how we might be able to inhabit healthier, more inclusive masculinities, No One Taught Me How to Be a Man shows us that if destructive notions of manhood can be learned, they can also be unlearned--if we're willing to do the work." --Timothy J. Hillegonds, author of The Distance Between "In a time of divisive culture wars, Shannon T. L. Kearns invites us to a nuanced conversation about gender and masculinity. Leading the way with courage and compassion, he presents an expansive vision for men that encourages them to live into authenticity and wholeness. This is a must-read for those wanting to explore masculinity when the old narratives of toxic patriarchy no longer work." --Cait West, author of Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy "In a culture where conversations about masculinity often vacillate between simple answers or dismissals of the crisis afflicting men, No One Taught Me How to Be a Man brings desperately needed nuance. It's a courageous book that treats the way patriarchy harms men with tenderness and compassion, while still centering the harm it does to others. Not content with naming what is wrong, Kearns offers a path out. And as someone whose own masculinity has often been a site of pain and dysphoria, I didn't just find this book engaging. I found it healing." --Rev. Benjamin Perry, author of Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter "Desperately needed in our current conversations about gender is a deeper understanding of healthy masculinity. In Nobody Taught Me How to Be a Man, Shannon Kearns helps us to understand the social, cultural, and religious pressures men face from a trans man's point of view. Poignant and thoughtful, this book is a lifeline for those lost in the noise of contemporary ideas about masculinity." --Kaya Oakes, author of Not So Sorry and The Defiant Middle "No One Taught Me How To Be A Man is a much-needed book for men of all sorts. In this book, Shannon offers a vision for what a positive, progressive masculinity could look like and invites us all to join in the conversation whether we are queer or straight, cisgender or transgender, stereotypically masculine or charting our course." --Brian G Murphy, author of Love Beyond Monogamy and Reading The Bible Through Queer Eyes "In a world where men are actively discouraged from reflecting on what it means to be a man, this smart, highly readable invitation to do so from someone who clearly has is urgently needed. With meaningful personal anecdotes and an approach that speaks to all varieties of men (and anyone who has ever cared about one), No One Taught Me How to Be a Man is an essential book." --Chris Stedman, author of IRL and Faitheist, and writer and host of Unread "I wish I could have read No One Taught Me How to Be a Man when I was young. I've read plenty of books about masculinity (and gender in general) over the years, and this is one of the best. It's not only an insightful reflection on gender, it is a wise and perceptive exploration about living consciously and compassionately." --Carl McColman, author of Eternal Heart and Read the Bible Like a Mystic