As Morrissey once said during an amazing performance of The Smiths' song 'Big Mouth' (Live at Earl's Court):
The past is a strange place.
My curation and edits of the following collection of poems hopefully preserve the raw authenticity of my earlier works. From the tragic loss of a beloved partner in 1994 to the rigors of a mandatory military service, from credulous college years to first steps in wrong career moves, the collection reflects a young man dealing with coming out as a gay man and the inevitable loss of innocence in the ever so turbulent U.S.A. The (former) young man on display here is now comfortably enjoying his so called mid-life crisis by looking back and un-pausing memories during a pandemic induced lockdown in New York City. My only comfort other than writing and composing is chanting Nichiren Buddhist prayers. These are reflections of tumultuous beginnings and, at times, hilarious false starts; snippets of a queer artist's adult life as it eerily unfolds.
As a queer American citizen of Turkish descent - a notion that might be a MAGA Republican's worst nightmare - the poems cover a gamut of experiences including the early years of a life without much support. After having received a full scholarship from Berklee College of Music, a self-imposed exile of sorts was self-inflicted; navigating many a low-paying job to make ends meet and combating homophobia both at home and in my adopted land. Looking back, I still have tremendous affection for this young man, even though I was pretty hard on him back in the day. It's been hard to shake off the perils of the so-called American dream, not to mention warding off many a seduction of yesteryears. But he did it. He worked hard to be a good writer, musician, producer and unapologetic truth-teller. I should have said this many years ago: I do love him. For he was a good kid and a fine young queer man. You might also know him as Abadilé.
T.J. (April, 2020)
T.J. Armand is an award-winning Turkish-American writer, composer, and producer with a diverse artistic portfolio spanning three decades. His debut poetry collection, "Self-Imposed Exile - Poems of Queer Beginnings," reflects 56 selected poems of his earlier works.
Mentored by Grammy-winning producer Arif Mardin, Armand received a full-scholarship from Berklee College of Music in 1990. As a producer and concert promoter in the U.S., he worked with many artists including Chaka Khan,
The Manhattan Transfer, The Queen's Six, and Tony nominee Mary Bridget Davies. Notably, he co-founded
Armand and Paiva LLC with his partner Carl H. Paiva, specializing and investing in stage productions (such as The Great Comet, Merrily We Roll Along, Sama, and Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own). In 2017, he established his music publishing company, TJ Armand Music, LLC and in 2024. A staunch advocate for LGBTQ and Climate Justice causes, Armand currently resides in New York City. He is the creator and producer of the GloBeats music project Abadilé.
(Source: TJArmand.com)
