Well-Behaved Monsters

Conventional wisdom in the pickup world is dead. After endless outings on the nightlife scene, this loose pack of singles suffers just such a dread soaked epiphany, as they realize their game must change. But what battleground tactics will lead them to the promised land instead? The answers to this riddle prove as shocking as the strategies employed. For they will soon settle upon a series of outrageous stunts, meant to make them stand out from the anonymous rabble - while it's true that smacking random strangers on their backsides is perhaps not as common as it used to be, most standard icebreakers have been trod so far into the ground that there's no hope of standing out otherwise. Much more original approaches are therefore required. For example, what about pretending to be married? Or dressing the part and learning the lingo necessary to invade the country music, hip-hop, and beach bum scenes? Is wearing an eyepatch totally out of the question? These and many other timeless mysteries are among those this intrepid group investigates at length and acts upon. One additional complication is that the way men and women think is so often overwhelmingly different. They also discover that, though accepted as a universal truism, this notion that girls mature faster than boys is proving a huge misnomer. Controversial or not, it's just one of the new facts emerging from their feverish field studies. Each of which proves even more argument inciting than the last: like how these girls often make no sense, are contradictory, have no idea what they truly want, think hobbies are idiotic, are way more coddled than men, far more sexist, not to mention more horrible to their fellow women than most guys would ever think about being. That they truly have no interest in a guy who's "more involved" with their lives but rather one who is extremely excited about the female controlling everything. Unless of course you're talking about the inevitable extremely handsome and rich stranger, who is not a total a-hole, that will wander into their lives any day now and sweep them off their feet. Which is why they don't really have to take anything seriously. When some of them eventually discover what angles truly work, the results are as unexpected as their outlandish ideas. Still others will refuse to believe in their successes, despite the causes and effects parading around in plain sight. For most, however, in particular their hapless targets, once these concepts catch fire, they have considerable reason to wish this mischievous, costumed genie had never been poured from its mid-range liquor bottle. Oh, if only they could return to a quainter day, when everyone was screwing around with silly props instead! Because when it becomes irrefutable what kind of twisted behavior acts like a magnet in attracting mates, these findings are legitimately monstrous, and give everybody involved a dimmer view of human nature.