24 Fail-Proof Ways to destroy your Marriage: ...and you can do it all by yourself

During my 25 years as a Christian marriage counselor, I have accumulated enough material to write an encyclopedia of marital self-destruction. I have witnessed all kinds of innovative techniques through which seemingly rational human beings dynamite their most precious relationships with the precision of surgeons and the conscience of sleepwalkers. This book was born from an observation that, after two decades, has gone from disturbing to almost comical: 97% of the people who cross the door of my office are absolutely convinced that they are innocent victims of a monstrous spouse. It is mathematically impossible, of course, for everyone to be a victim, but try explaining that to someone who has perfected the art of self-victimization while simultaneously sabotaging their marriage with the efficiency of a professional. I've grown tired of being diplomatic, so let me be brutally clear: this book is a direct satire of you, of me, of all of us who have ever pointed at our partner while conveniently ignoring our contribution to the marital disaster. It's an uncomfortable mirror designed to provoke that rare moment of self-recognition where we finally admit: "Oh dear, this sounds terribly familiar." Have you found it strange that from your first crush at age 8 to your current marriage, all your relationship problems are exclusively the other person's fault? Isn't it amazing the cosmic coincidence that you've had the bad luck to encounter an uninterrupted sequence of emotional monsters, while you remain as the last pure victim in a world of relational villains? Doesn't that seem statistically improbable? The pattern is alarmingly predictable. People jump from relationship to relationship, always as the innocent victim, always blaming the other, always telling the same story with changed characters, always avoiding the only common element in all those relationships: themselves. This satirical but painfully real manual is designed to show you with surgical precision how you are sabotaging your relationship, all while maintaining the convincing illusion that you are the victim. If you are offended as you read it, congratulations: you are implementing some of these "strategies" without knowing them, and your indignation is just another way of avoiding responsibility. Marriage is a sacred institution, established by God Himself: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). When Jesus reaffirmed this passage, he added: "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). Note that it doesn't say "...let not the evil spouse separate while you, holy and patient soul, suffer heroically." It says "man" - as in any of us, as in you - can be the agent of separation. If while reading this book, you find yourself thinking: "My spouse needs to read this!" - you have completely misunderstood the purpose. This book is not for your spouse. It's for you. If you're looking for a manual to confirm that all your marital problems are someone else's fault, you've come to the wrong place. There are many self-help books designed to validate your victimhood. This is not one of them. Rather, this is an invitation to self-responsibility. It's a challenge to the destructive narrative that you are merely a passive spectator in the deterioration of your marriage. It's an opportunity to recognize your own power as an active agent capable of both destruction and reconstruction. If you have the courage to keep reading, you might discover something disturbing: you're not as innocent as you believed. You might also discover something liberating you have much more power to change your situation than you ever imagined. The first step to saving your marriage is, after all, recognizing with brutal honesty exactly how you're destroying it.