HellCorp: Infernal Use Only

HELLCORP: INFERNAL USE ONLY

Lovecraft by way of Microsoft Teams.

Welcome to HellCorp - where eternity is a spreadsheet, coffee is mandatory, and the apocalypse is a recurring meeting that could have been an email.

Dennis Reaper never asked to work in the afterlife. He just died at his desk and forgot to leave.
Now he's trapped in an infernal bureaucracy that runs on caffeine, performance reviews, and despair - an office managed by Rosemary Fairchild, a divine HR algorithm with the charm of a guillotine. Her motto: Efficiency is mercy. Coffee is mandatory. Humanity is optional.

Dennis's daily duties include processing soul manifests, repairing malfunctioning miracles, and avoiding direct eye contact with the Akuma Tablet, a cursed piece of Japanese office tech that cheerfully announces its system checks in a language no one understands. Every day feels the same - until an impossible audit arrives from Upstairs, threatening to erase HellCorp entirely for "underperformance in eternal suffering metrics."

With the help of Annabelle Hitchens, an intern who died of workplace dehydration, and Sully Nine-Fingers, a maintenance veteran who's been "pending termination" for a few centuries, Dennis has to survive divine auditors, malfunctioning afterlife software, and a rebellion led by people too tired to care anymore.
But as Dennis digs deeper, he learns that HellCorp isn't broken - it's working exactly as designed.

Because Hell isn't a place.
It's a policy.

HellCorp: Infernal Use Only is bureaucratic horror with a human heart - a darkly comic descent into the underworld of middle management, where performance metrics replace morality and paperwork outlasts the apocalypse.

If you've ever stayed late at work for no reason, smiled through an "urgent" meeting, or whispered "I'm in hell" before your third coffee - congratulations, you've already survived basic training.

"The Office meets Good Omens on a caffeine overdose."
"Absurdly funny, unsettlingly plausible, and weirdly comforting."
"A horror novel for anyone who's ever written a polite email through tears."

• Corporate Horror: The infernal reimagined as an endless open-plan office.

• Dark Comedy: Every nightmare filtered through humor so dry it chokes.

• Philosophical Satire: The meaning of work, faith, and failure in a system that measures souls by productivity.

• Emotional Core: Human exhaustion as rebellion - the quiet act of caring when caring no longer counts.

• Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

• The Office (if it were written by Kafka)

• Severance (Apple TV)

• Brazil by Terry Gilliam

• Title: HellCorp: Infernal Use Only

• Series: The HellCorp Chronicles, Book I

• Author: Nathan Redford Deadline

• Publisher: Caffeine & Decay Press

• Genre: Dark Comedy / Bureaucratic Horror / Satire

• Length: 37,000 words (Approx. 150 pages)

• Edition: First Edition, 2025

"The office hummed the way fluorescent lights hum when they're sick of existing. That sound never stopped - a nervous vibration, somewhere between electricity and whispering.
It was the sound of HellCorp thinking."

HELLCORP: INFERNAL USE ONLY is a sharp, absurd, and strangely comforting reminder that even in Hell, there's still paperwork to do - and maybe that's the most human thing of all.