The Myth of Healing

The Myth of Healing: What If You're Not Broken? We've been told that healing is the goal. That if we work hard enough, reflect deeply enough, regulate consistently enough, we will arrive at some final version of ourselves: calm, clear, whole. But what if that promise is not only unrealistic-it's quietly harmful? What if the pursuit of healing has become its own performance, another form of pressure, another ideal we're chasing to earn the right to feel okay? The Myth of Healing is a bold, psychology-rooted reexamination of what it really means to grow, change, and live well in an age obsessed with self-improvement. Written by bestselling author and psychology professor RJ Starr, this book challenges the cultural and clinical narratives that frame healing as a destination. It's not about rejecting growth or minimizing pain-it's about freeing ourselves from the constant demand to prove we've overcome it. Drawing from trauma theory, identity psychology, social commentary, and decades of professional and personal experience, The Myth of Healing invites readers to confront the stories they've been told-and the ones they've told themselves-about what being "better" is supposed to look like. With clarity and compassion, Starr unpacks the invisible burdens of self-work culture, the commercialization of inner life, and the false binaries that separate healed from unhealed, whole from wounded, functional from broken. This is not a self-help book in the traditional sense. You won't find ten steps to peace or a roadmap to your best self. What you will find is a deep, honest exploration of the emotional contradictions we live with-and permission to stop waiting for perfect clarity before you begin to live more fully. Inside, you'll explore chapters like: Healing Is Not the Goal: Why the fantasy of emotional completion keeps us stuck When Trauma Becomes Identity: The difference between honoring our pain and becoming it Triggered Isn't the Same as Unsafe: How discomfort and danger became conflated-and why it matters Your Nervous System Is Not a Diagnosis: Unpacking the rise of neuro-language and reclaiming agency There's No Final Version of You: Letting go of arrival myths and learning to live in motion You Can Be Whole With Wounds: What integration really looks like when nothing gets erased Whether you've spent years in therapy or have never felt at home in the healing world, this book offers an alternative to the endless quest for emotional resolution. It makes space for ambivalence, contradiction, unfinishedness, and the quiet dignity of showing up-imperfect and still worthy. The Myth of Healing is for anyone who's ever felt behind in their growth, ashamed of not being "there" yet, or secretly afraid they'll never arrive at the life they were promised. It's for those who are ready to stop performing wholeness and start living honestly. You don't need to be healed to be here. You don't need to be fixed to be real. You are allowed to be human. And being human, in all its mess and motion, might be enough after all.