In 1938, during Kristallnacht, Sonia Ascher's father was seized by the Nazis from his home in Germany and taken to Buchenwald Concentration Camp. This memoir follows her passage from a frightened child to an adult coping with the consequences of generational trauma that left her searching for answers to lifelong unasked questions. How did Sonia's identity as a Jewish child of Holocaust survivors keep her separated from the largely Christian environment in which she was raised in America? And where did she belong?
This event and the complete change in her parents' lives has a profound impact on Sonia. She shows how parental trauma leads to excessive control and silence. Turning to food for comfort, her lack of understanding and fear of what could happen to her, Sonia becomes hypervigilant to perceived dangers. Cultivating the desire not to cause her parents additional pain and sublimating her own needs, it takes Sonia most of her life to develop the inner resources required to become a fully functioning adult. As she moves from dysfunctional behavior to developing her ability to make good decisions, Sonia learns the truth about what her family endured, and matures to a well-adapted individual.
Her life comes full circle when, in 2024, Sonia accepts Germany's restoration citizenship program and becomes a naturalized German citizen. After many years of searching for her place in this world, she finally finds it.
About the Author :
As a child of a Holocaust survivor, Sonia has spent most of her life trying to learn what her parents endured in Germany and figuring out where she belongs. She is blessed with three sons, two step-sons, two daughters-in-law and four grandchildren. Raised and currently spending her time in New Hampshire, Sonia enjoys a few months each year in England. Earning both undergraduate and advanced degrees in NH, USA, she spent most of her career as a management behavioral consultant. As adjunct faculty at a local university, Sonia had the pleasure of teaching interpersonal communication and public speaking. Upon retirement, she turned her lifelong hobby of photography into a small business, called Sonia's View. As a volunteer in several civic organizations, giving back to her community continues to play a large role in her life.In 2021, Sonia published her first book, Surviving the Holocaust; One Family's Journey. Since that publication, she has been invited to share her family's experience and speak about the link of inherited trauma and its impact to synagogues, Holocaust Memorial celebrations on Yom HaShoah, at a local Catholic University, a local bookstore, and senior communities. Sonia has been interviewed by local newspapers. Her book and a videotape interview are now part of a permanent World War II exhibition at the Nashua, NH Historic Society.
Review :
"In her achingly poignant memoir, Never Fitting In, Sonia Ascher masterfully unpacks the Holocaust legacy that shadowed her upbringing and fueled damaging cycles of hypervigilance and rigid control, leaving her with a fractured sense of self. In seeking to understand her parents' experiences and the lasting impact of generational trauma, Ascher illuminates the redemptive work of reclaiming one's voice after years of inherited silence. Ascher's uncompromising reckoning with her past is a hopeful reminder that peace and reconciliation are always within reach. Never Fitting In offers a profound lesson for our time: finding our way forward begins with the courage to look back." -Melanie Brooks, author of A Hard Silence and Writing Hard Stories
"In Never Fitting In Sonia Ascher explores memory and identity through the lens of her post-WWII New England upbringing, shaped by the long shadow of Holocaust remembrance. She examines family ties that fracture and bind, and the psychological trauma that travels across generations. Her personal narrative offers readers a framework for their own self-examination and resilience. What distinguishes this work is Ascher's resolute commitment to introspection, made possible by the cultural, social, and medical advances that have legitimized such emotional archaeology. Her courage in confronting both mirror and memory yields a narrative that is heartbreaking and joyful, mournful and renewing. This is a story of survival and a demonstration of what it means to come full circle - to integrate the fractured pieces of a life into something whole and comprehensible. Ascher has written a book that demands respect for both its ambition and its achievement." -Betsy Small, Author of Before Before: A Story of Discovery and Loss in Sierra Leone
"This brave account illustrates the burden which deep family trauma places on succeeding generations. Relevant in this age of shifting populations, this book will resonate with the descendants of those displaced by war or political upheavals. It explains the sense of isolation and dispossession these children can experience." -Rosalind Collins, Special Educator UK
"A powerful memoir with brutal honesty and raw emotion. Holding nothing back from the reader, Sonia walks us through her self-effacing tendencies caused by inherited trauma. Step by step we experience surges of strength despite deep betrayal, only to collapse back into the escape of food." -Michelle Runyan, Director of Community Engagement, USA
"The detail made me feel like I was there. I can so relate with so many of the stories and have similar issues. In this book, you did the one thing most people never get to conquer in their lives - recognizing the source and making a change in yourself." -Sarah Hegarty, Director of Life Enrichment, USA
