If I Don't Return

"This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it."

When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.

In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert Storm: the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.

But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad--to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling--having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades--added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.

Part battlefield memoir, part father's journal, part meditation on the challenges of leadership, If I Don't Return is the story of a soldier who faced death, returned home, and continued to live a life of service.

Giving Back: In Memory of Pete Way

Fifty percent of the proceeds from this book will be donated to the National Ability Center (NAC) in Park City, Utah--an organization dedicated to helping individuals with disabilities discover their strength, independence, and purpose.

Founded in 1985 as an adaptive ski program for disabled veterans, the NAC has grown into one of the nation's leading centers for adaptive recreation. Today, it serves people of all ages and abilities, with service members, veterans, and their families making up nearly a third of all participants. Through sport, recreation, and education, the NAC empowers those it serves to build confidence, self-esteem, and lasting skills that restore not only mobility, but meaning.

These contributions are made in memory of U.S. Army veteran Pete Way, a friend who was grievously wounded in Afghanistan but found healing, hope, and renewed purpose through the programs of the NAC. Pete's courage and resilience reflect the very spirit this book seeks to honor--the will to endure, to grow even through adversity, and to live fully.

If you would like to join in supporting this remarkable organization and the veterans and families it serves, please visit https: //discovernac.org/support/

Lieutenant General (Retired) Mark Hertling served thirty-eight years in the US Army as a tanker and cavalryman, serving at every level from tank platoon leader on the East-West German border to commander of the US Army, Europe (USAREUR) and the Seventh Army. During his combat tours, Mark served as a major in a cavalry squadron during Desert Storm; as an assistant division commander in the 1st Armored Division in Baghdad (2003-2004); and later as the commander of the 1st Armored Division, Multinational Division North, and Task Force Iron in Northern Iraq (2007-2008). His final posting was as commander of USAREUR, where he prepared US and allied countries for deployment to Iraq and Afghanistan and helped transformed the armies of Ukraine, Georgia, Romania, Poland, and several others.

After retiring from the army, Mark became a senior vice president for a major health care organization. While there, he also designed and executed an award-winning leadership program, training thousands of health care professionals to improve leadership in that industry. He is the author of Growing Physician Leaders, an Amazon bestseller in the health care genre. Mark was appointed to the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition and was later appointed by the president to the American Battle Monuments Commission, where he served as chairman. Mark was an adjunct scholar at West Point's Modern War Institute, was a member of the Dean's Alliance at Indiana University's School of Public Health, and now serves as professor of practice in strategic leadership at the Crummer School of Business at Rollins College. He is an active public speaker on leadership, national security issues, and health care.

From 2014 to 2024, Mark appeared as a military and national security analyst for CNN/CNN International. Today, he is a freelance analyst and writes extensively on national security and leadership for a variety of media outlets. His book If I Don't Return will be released in 2026, offering reflections of life, leadership, and military service based on a journal he wrote to his young sons during Desert Storm.

A graduate of the US Military Academy at West Point, Mark holds master's degrees from Indiana University, the School of Advanced Military Studies, and the National War College. In 2019, he earned a doctor of business administration from the Crummer Graduate School of Business, defending a mixed-methods research study on leadership.

Mark is married to his best friend, Sue. They have two sons, five grandsons, and two granddaughters.

"There are no thoughts more profound than the thoughts you have with yourself if you think they may be your last. In this remarkable book, Mark Hertling shares those thoughts with you. This decorated soldier, national security expert, doctor of business administration, and professor of leadership reflects--and encourages you to join him in reflecting--on what's really important, in life, in relationships, in leadership, as individuals, families, teams, and as a country. If I Don't Return is a timely and compelling story about hope. If that's something you need, read this book first."

--General (Retired) Martin E. Dempsey, eighteenth chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

"If I Don't Return is the story every soldier wants to tell, but struggles to put into words. Deeply personal, incredibly moving and storytelling at its finest! Mark Hertling has written a timeless tale of life as a soldier, a father and a war time leader, but this book is about more than combat--it is about how we face life's greatest challenges with faith, wisdom and gratitude. Everyone who is searching will find something of value in this beautifully written narrative."

--Admiral William H. McRaven, US Navy (retired), former commander US Special Operations Command, former chancellor of The University of Texas System

"As a division commander during Desert Storm, I saw firsthand the challenges young leaders faced as they prepared for battle. Mark Hertling's book brings that era back to life with honesty, humility, and extraordinary detail about lessons from both life and combat. This book captures the experience of war and the enduring values of leadership and character that define the American soldier, and it's a must-read for those who want to know more about our military."

--General Barry McCaffrey, former 24th Infantry Division Commander during Desert Storm, retired four-star general, and chief military analyst at MSNBC

"At a precarious moment for our nation, its military, and the world, Mark Hertling has provided an important and captivating book on combat, values, and leadership. Transforming the memories of Desert Storm he gave his sons into timeless lessons of combat, resilience, and family life, this book deserves a place in everyone's library of great leaders' works."

--Thom Shanker, retired Pentagon correspondent for The New York Times

"Every great story rests on character, and General Mark Hertling's character leaps from these pages. With a novelist's eye for detail and a soldier's honesty, he brings to life the realities of war and the timeless questions of love, family, and duty. This is storytelling at its finest--personal, powerful, real, and profoundly human. This is a book everyone should read."
--Daniel Silva, New York Times best-selling author

"Mark Hertling is a natural storyteller. As my dear friend and colleague at CNN, he helped viewers make sense of military operations with clarity and compassion. In this book, he does something even more profound: hHe opens his private journal to show us the fears, hopes, and lessons of a soldier and a father. This book is moving, accessible, and unforgettable."

--Jamie Gangel, CNN special correspondent, Edward R. Murrow Award recipient