About the Book
In Irrelationship and Relationship Sanity, Mark Borg, Grant Brenner, and Daniel Berry posit that a hard lesson for many is learning to turn to others for the support and affection necessary for survival. Instead, we cut ourselves off from the ones we purportedly love the most and enter a state of irrelationship, a defensive mechanism to avoid true intimacy. This may temporarily alleviate our anxiety, but eventually leaves us living tepid and numbingly predictable lives. Over time, these carefully managed lives begin to wear thin, and we may experience break-through panic and damaging conflict.
Making Your Crazy Work For You introduces a new concept: self-irrelationship, in which we inhibit ourselves from realizing our potential by shutting down our emotions and creativity. When we are cut off from ourselves—our feelings and desires—this state leads to a crazy-making, self-imposed isolation. We are making our crazy work against us, leaving us without an authentic sense of our own needs and without a capacity for true self-compassion and self-love.
Each chapter features new case studies, exercises, and tools for addressing what effects self-irrelationship has on an individual who hasn’t been successful in forging or keeping a relationship but wants to be in a healthy one. This book answers questions the authors often receive on their popular blog, such as:
How can I better understand irrelationship if I am single?
How can I use what I’ve learned so I don’t repeat the irrelationship cycle in the future?
What if I’m the only one in my relationship who sees irrelationship as a problem?
Drawn from the authors' experience in clinical practice, this book will help readers to reverse unhealthy behavior patterns so they can feel good about themselves by learning to access their genuine emotions, needs, and ideas.
About the Author :
Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, founding partner of The Community Consulting Group, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute. He’s also the author of Don’t Be A Dick: Change Yourself, Change Your World.
Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice. He is a faculty member of the Mount Sinai Hospital and Director of the Trauma Service of the William Alanson White Institute.
Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a registered nurse in New York City since 1987. He is currently the Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a public hospital.
Review :
“Childhood, for most of us, was a trauma from which we may not yet have recovered nor yet understand, which these brilliant authors call ‘Your Crazy.’ In this scintillating book, you will find not only the source of this almost universal condition but an explanation of what it is and what you can do to move from ‘crazy’ to ‘sanity.’ We commend their compelling solution and recommend this book to everyone who may have suffered trauma or who wants to understand others who have.”—Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, New York Times-bestselling authors of Doing IMAGO Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between
“A powerful, landmark book with a novel approach to dealing with developmental trauma and all the challenges it brings in cultivating true self-love and intimacy with another. The authors take you on an eye-opening journey where your most shameful vulnerabilities are explored and transcended in the process of ‘making your crazy work for you.’ A must-read!”—Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of the international bestseller, Love in 90 Days
“A phenomenal book about how our human experience of loss and grief bonds us more than we think. The authors draw from different disciplines, illuminating how our early experiences and the hurts they have caused can lead to a fragmented sense of self. We learn how to re-integrate these pieces back into our lives with patience, love, compassion, and understanding. We do this so that we can feel whole again, and maybe only to learn that we were never actually broken in the first place. This book is a must read for those who want to live a little lighter. I know I do!”—Sue Varma, MD, DFAPA, board certified psychiatrist, author of the forthcoming book Practical Optimism
“This book masterfully explains how to turn your crazy into a tool that can help enhance your personal and professional relationships. We all have some crazy in us! Why not benefit from your crazy? This book will teach you how.”—Tom Shanahan, author of Spiritual Adrenaline: A Lifestyle Plan to Nourish and Strengthen Your Recovery
"There are a lot of books out there on ‘self-love’ and ‘having a better relationship with yourself,’ but this book stands out for its depth, intelligence, and accessibility. Based on extensive research and written by experts with significant clinical experience, it is an immensely enjoyable read and a must for anyone who feels they need a mental reset to optimize their lives. If you want to understand how your past and current habits are holding you back, and how to craft a successful life moving forward, look no further. This book is a gem and I highly recommend it.”—Srini Pillay, MD, Harvard-trained psychiatrist and brain researcher, author of Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind
"Making Your Crazy Work for You is a practical guide to help increase self-awareness and should be read by anyone interested in improving relationships in their life, at work and at home.”—Dr. Santor Nishizaki, award-Winning CEO, author, and business school professor
