About the Book
It's hard to be left taking care of your family all by yourself. Parenting alone in the wake of domestic violence, intense conflict or traumatic, unexpected events, makes being 'the parent who stayed' even more difficult.
Are you standing in the ruins of your family wondering what the hell you have to do to get back to being ok again?
Has the amount of conflict, aggression and shame that came with separation/divorce floored your and your kids?
You deserve to be happy, no matter how awful this has been.
Parenting alone after traumatic family breakdown is relentless, lonely, scary and hard. The nights you sit on the stairs crying after the kids finally fall asleep. The days you can barely get out of bed but push on through because no-one else is going to pick up the pieces. The times you watch your children crumple into anger, despair and frustration and you simply don’t know what to do.
If you feel that you’re stuck in the trenches, this book is for you. It's for you, if even lifting your eyes to the path ahead feels like putting yourself in the firing line. It is for you if you’re just about getting through the day you’re in. It's for you if you know that life cannot change when you have no perspective, no vision, and no plan.
You can figure out how to pick up all the broken pieces of your life and put them back together again.
Nina Farr, TED Speaker, Author and Leadership Coach (plus ex-lone parent to two under two), can show you how, because she's been there.
About the Author :
Nina Farr is a Leadership Coach for lone parents, living in Exeter, Devon, UK. A coach, author and TEDx speaker, Nina has been a passionate advocate for families just like hers. Complicated, reworked and a little bit wonky. Mother to three, Nina loves children but knows how hard work parenting can be. Especially when you throw in the complexities of a family that has or is changing shape.
Nina founded her coaching company as a lone parent, when her two oldest boys were two and nine-months. Writing her first business plan with the help of a select few single-mother friends, the idea to bring leadership skills to women everywhere who have experienced trauma, loss, grief, conflict and abuse was born. Nina has been sponsored on this journey by the National Lottery, an international bank, social entrepreneurship grants and by Exeter University which has researched and evaluated her work.
An academic at heart, Nina is driven to create a legacy for women and children that is not only inspiring and heartfelt but also evidence based. She works in partnership with children’s centres, schools, domestic-abuse agencies and most importantly women and children who have lived through the experience of family breakdown. Nina is a secret geek, not-so-secret beach bum and hippy mum to boot. When she’s not speaking, coaching, writing and researching, you’ll find her dipping her toes in the ocean on Exmouth beach or wandering through the ancient woodlands of Devon.
Review :
Amazon reviews:
"An empowering and overwhelmingly positive book so beautifully written that every sentence is worthy of transformation into an inspiring Instagram meme!
I love that the reader is gently encouraged into practical action. I cannot wait for my hard copy which before long will no doubt be decorated with my own personal reflections and annotations. I believe that this book will support me as I strive for a better life for me and my daughter." Caroline Danks
"This been book could have been my best friend back in the days when I found myself alone, in a new house at a new town, with no friends and family, raising a four year old on my own. No money, no furniture, had to leave uni, and just trying to figure out life again." Sea Dancer
"Absolutely loved it, made me realise all the things I was feeling and experiencing were totally normal, great insight and advice for how to work through your challenges. Definitely recommend for any single parent or someone helping support a single parent." Emma M
"Nina's book is a beacon to guide you out of the fog. It's ideal for parents moving forward from conflict, trauma and/or domestic abuse. She writes about practical steps you can make to change your thought patterns, and how to rediscover which values you want to live by. She gives inspiring examples of women who have worked through her step-by-step guides, and empowers you to first visualise, then shape, your future.
Nothing is spoon-fed to you - you have to put the work in to change your own mindset - but she gives you tools to choose a new definition of stability and a new direction for you and your family." Michaela S
"The Parent Who Stayed is an amazing and helpful read for people going through a difficult breakup. I could have done with this book 5 years ago when my own marriage ended unexpectedly in a traumatic way. Nina really has an amazing insight into this and having been through it is very well placed to assist other people on the same journey. She understands what you will be facing and wants to help you through it.
The book is designed to be read in useful chunks and helps to guide you on the path to taking charge of your new life and the changes to your family unit. Nina presents the facts very well and gives very good advice and help on how to move along the path, whilst describing and understanding the feelings that you will be going through. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who becomes a single parent but especially those in trauma." Karen Chugg
"Absolutely brilliant. For anyone (male or female) who has ever felt the overwhelming, crushing responsibility of lone parenting." Rachel Bradford
"I have really enjoyed this book. Nina speaks honestly about her own lone parent journey. It is well written, clear and easy to understand . I would like to keep this as a handbook for life , to support me whilst parenting my own two children. As well as the practical guidance offered in the book I particularly enjoyed reading the case studies. I love reading actual accounts of people like me, women from different backgrounds arriving at the same place as me. Reading how people were able to take an active role in their and their children's lives is encouraging and helps me to have a feeling of solidarity with others and to feel less alone in my situation. Above all this book gives me hope and offers structure where there often is none, many parents have that feeling of coasting, give this a try to help you to regain control and become a leader for your family."
"This was such an easy read which is great when you don't have the headspace to focus for long. I found a lot of aha moments and felt the author was walking with me each step of the way and I love that you can become part of a supportive community of others all experiencing similar feelings. I felt it was written with love and conviction and would recommend to any mother feeling stuck. I say mother because it is more aimed at that role but would equally work for fathers." J T Christie
"Nina such a beautiful, well written book. I don't even have children and I felt the powerful emotions and rawness of this book. You hold the reader who in her hours of need as she reaches out for your wisdom needs to be held, soothed and supported to carry on being the parent who stayed..
With practical advice, guidance and support you show us that it is possible to lead your family from the front even when your world is thrown upside down." Emma Heptonstall, Former Lawyer, Family Mediator and Divorce Coach
"I love Nina's honest style of writing, suddenly going through huge changes feel insurmountable. It's like having an amazing friend take your hand and guide you through the dark woods to safety. Gorgeous book x" Miss A K Challacombe
"Loved it, worth its weight in gold if you are a single parent."
'If you're feeling lost, alone and overwhelmed by your new life situation, this book will take you by the hand and empower you to create a beautiful new life for you and your family.
It's a practical guide... but more than this, Nina is someone who's navigated this situation successfully herself and then created a powerful compass to help others in the same situation...
Nina's writing is full of empathy, courage, and hope.
At a time when you may be feeling the most lost and alone, 'I Am The Parent Who Stayed' is a lifeline and a guide to a new life that you may not even believe is possible yet...
Nina's story (and the many case studies) will show you that 'all is not lost'... and the easy to follow steps are the perfect way to change any 'I can't' thoughts into 'I can, and I will... watch me'!'
'A refreshingly, inspiring approach to support lone parents. This books takes you on an empowering journey from victim to leader, developing a shared vision for a parent and their child. Nina guides the reader on a journey of self and family development, through the complexities of parenting and growing together, flourishing in order to realise your dreams. As someone who has worked in children's services for over twenty years, alongside parenting alone, I find this a supportive and effective, positive model to motivate and change family lives.'
'After watching Nina's TED talk on 'broken families' and being involved in her Family Vision course, I had to read this book. As ever, Nina's wisdom shines through and knowing that she has lived every word of this book makes it so much more than a 'how-to-divorce' book, it's a manual for a happy and fulfilled life, written by someone who lives by her words. I'm going to give a copy of "I Am The Parent Who Stayed" to any of my friends who end up standing at the precipice of separation, worried about the future as a lone parent. It is uplifting and inspiring while including some real world advice to strengthen your family, whatever it's size and shape.'
'I've been working in parenting and domestic abuse research for years, and evaluating what works best for vulnerable parents. This book and the Family Vision programme are amazing tools that take a really innovative, strength based and personal approach to the journey of parenting alone. I think the book is insightful and takes an empowering approach to this incredible role of parent leader. I can't wait to see its results when it is handed out to the wider world; it deserves to be shared and we all deserve to share in it.'
'I can't recommend this book highly enough! Nina writes with heart and soul and offers solid, practical support to solo parents recovering from all manner of abandonment situations. You don't have to sacrifice a happy family when the going gets tough. You've Got This. Now you've got Nina Farr too!
A total winner.'
'Oh my goodness this could have been my story. Beautifully written and poignant. A must read for anyone who finds themselves being a single mum or indeed for those who have previously been there. Highly recommend this book.'
'Such an amazing, powerful and inspiring book. I will be recommending it to all of my single mum friends- I literally feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders!'
