About the Book
Often mistakenly labeled as codependency, fawning can present as being more of who someone is: smart, generous,successful, funny, or beautiful, while for others it's about being less: vocal, ethnic, creative, self-assured, or boundaried. Fawning can be visible or invisible, it can take the shape of sex, money, or the perpetual emotional regulationof others but one thing remains constant: it is about finding safety in an unsafe world, often at our own expense.
Written by fawning expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton, Fawning will be the first of its kind, shininga light on this under-represented, but extremely important piece of the trauma puzzle. Clayton draws upon bothpersonal and clinical experiences of the trauma response and provides resources and tools for anyone who has lostintrinsic parts of themselves by constantly orienting to safety through self-abandonment. This book is for thosewho want to finally lessen their shame about patterns that haven't served for a long time. It is for doctors, therapists, and all those in the helping professions who need to understand this form and function of how the body seeks tosurvive trauma. This book is for the cycle breakers who don't want to carry unprocessed trauma down to futuregenerations or foster another generation of fawners who aren't entitled to the full spectrum of human emotion,shrinking in the face of what caregivers can tolerate. It is for those who have been told to read all the literature oncodependency and still don't see themselves reflected. Fawning is for anyone who has felt stuck in relationships, longing for meaningful, reciprocal connections and most importantly, a true relationship to Self.
About the Author :
Ingrid Clayton, PhD is a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, California. She has been in private
practice since 2009. While continually expanding her expertise and training in trauma, Ingrid has always been interested in taking little-known concepts and expanding their reach. Her first book was based on her dissertation research on spiritual bypassing and its impact on recovery for alcoholics and addicts. Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice was published by Hazelden in 2011 (6,869 in sales).
Ingrid is a regular contributor to Psychology Today where her blog has received over 1 million views. The article, "What is Self-Gaslighting?" is considered an Essential Read. This topic is related to fawning and will be highlighted in Fawning.
In 2022, Ingrid self-published a memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma which uncovers her personal experience of childhood trauma from a psychologist's perspective. Ingrid took on every aspect of this project by herself, and without a marketing team or distribution, she's sold a total of 12,437 books: 8,677 paperback and ebooks in 14 months and 3760 audiobooks in 12 months.
Review :
"In Fawning, Dr. Ingrid Clayton offers a compassionate and insightful look at one of the most misunderstood trauma responses. Drawing from both clinical expertise and personal experience, she gives voice to those who learned to survive by being agreeable, invisible, and accommodating. This book is a powerful revelation for anyone who has ever mistaken being 'nice' for being safe. Fawning is an essential guide to understanding yourself more deeply and stepping into your full truth."
-Nedra Glover Tawwab, New York Times bestselling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free
"Anyone who has ever people-pleased, self-silenced, tried to be perfect, or apologized to someone who is harming them must read this book....Dr. Clayton brings her personal story and clinical wisdom to shine a light on this 'forgotten' albeit universal trauma response. This book is a must-read, and a loving and empathic guidebook to healing from all forms of relational trauma."
-Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of It's Not You: Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic People
"So many of us learned to be attuned to everyone but ourselves. In Fawning, Dr. Clayton shows how this pattern begins, how it persists, and how to begin the process of returning to your own needs. Her insights are a gift to anyone who's ever confused people-pleasing with love."
-Jessica Baum, LMHC, author of Anxiously Attached
"In her groundbreaking book, Dr. Clayton masterfully illuminates a trauma response that is rarely discussed in depth. With creativity, courage, and exceptional insight, she delivers profound knowledge while keeping readers engaged throughout this important exploration. Fawning stands as an essential contribution to our understanding of human behavior, offering both clarity and practical wisdom for those navigating the effects of complex trauma. A truly transformative read."
-Dr. Galit Atlas, author of Emotional Inheritance
"Occasionally, a book comes along that illuminates your world. Like rain after drought, it's magic. Fawning, Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back is the rain, and Dr. Ingrid Clayton's voice is the magic. If your behaviors have ever left you bewildered and ashamed because they don't reflect who you are, this book is a gift for you."
-Kelly McDaniel LPC, trauma therapist and best-selling author of Mother Hunger and Ready to Heal
"As a woman in long-term recovery and a lifelong seeker, I've read every book, joined every program, and sat with countless professionals trying to understand what was wrong with me. I've found glimpses of insight along the way-but nothing has touched the root of my pain with the clarity, depth, and compassion of Fawning. Every page is a revelation. Dr. Clayton brings piercing clarity to the confusion, self-abandonment, and emotional contortions I've lived with my entire life. She shines a compassionate light on what was actually happening-not just in me, but around me. And in doing so, she offers a real path to freedom. For the first time, I felt fully seen-not pathologized, not judged, but deeply understood. Fawning isn't just another self-help book. It's a paradigm shift. A lifeline. I believe it will liberate millions."
-Laura McKowen, bestselling author of We Are The Luckiest and Push Off from Here
"This is the book on fawning-part memoir, part manual, all heart. Clayton doesn't just explain the trauma response; she lived it, named it, and now she's teaching the rest of us how to reclaim ourselves."
--Patrick Teahan, MSW
"With Fawning, Ingrid Clayton compassionately honors the parts of ourselves that learned to survive through over-accommodation and people-pleasing. Her work gives readers practical ways to develop Self-leadership with these often-misunderstood protectors, creating the inner safety needed for true healing."
--Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., author of No Bad Parts and founder of Internal Family Systems
