About the Book
Do loving relationships end because couples lack communication skills, struggle to empathize, and fail to accommodate each other's needs? That's a common belief within and without the therapeutic world . . . but what if it's all wrong? In You Are the One You've Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, the celebrated founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a new way-a path toward "courageous love" that replaces the striving, dependent, and disconnected approach to solving relationship challenges.
The breakthrough realization of IFS is that our psyche contains multiple parts that each have a life of their own. Most problems in relationships arise because we unknowingly burden our partner with the task of caring for our disowned and unloved parts. In this book, you'll learn essential insights and tools to foster healthy dialogue with your parts and your partner, resolve long-standing relationship issues, and access the wise and compassionate Self at the centre of your being as the foundation of true intimacy.
"No one can do the work of healing our orphaned parts for us," says Dr. Schwartz. "Yet when we begin with Self-leadership, a relationship can become a safe place in which we help each other heal and grow." Here is an invaluable guide for therapists and laypersons alike to promote connection, trust, and understanding-within yourself and with the one you love.
About the Author :
Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, is the creator of Internal Family Systems, a highly effective, evidence-based therapeutic model that de-pathologizes the multipart personality. His IFS Institute offers training for professionals and the general public. He is currently on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and has published five books, including No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. For more, visit ifs-institute.com.
Review :
"This profound and readable book provides clear guidelines for therapists and clients alike. In ways that complement my own work, clients learn how to unload the cultural and family burdens that block intimacy by keeping them locked in rigid gender roles. Therapists learn an empowering and practical process for treating couples. I enthusiastically recommend this book to anyone serious about improving relationships in the world today!" --Terrence Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk about It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage
"This highly original book offers critical new insights into obstacles to the dance of intimacy. Most of us have inner exiled parts that carry burdens of shame and abandonment from our past. These interfere with our capacity for intimacy. Dick Schwartz shows us how to use the exiles our partners trigger in us to find and heal the source--our original attachment injuries. This releases our capacity to be fully alive in relationships." --Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD, medical director, the Trauma Center, and professor of psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
"You Are the One You've Been Waiting For is my relationship bible! The IFS principles and methods shared in this book have offered me direct access to 'courageous love' and a greater connection to my husband than I ever thought possible. The book is on my bedside table, and I turn to it as a nightly ritual." --Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back
"Dr. Richard Schwartz's work on Internal Family Systems, along with his latest book, You Are the One You've Been Waiting For, has profoundly changed my life. One of life's most important endeavors is to learn how to have compassion for oneself, and his work has been instrumental in my own journey to do so. His unique approach has allowed me to grow with love and gentleness in all aspects of my being--cognitively, physically, and emotionally. I deeply believe his work will change the world. Dr. Schwartz's book is the number one tool I recommend for people who are seeking to find greater compassion and love for themselves and others, especially with regard to better understanding their role within the greater whole and world." --Krista Williams, cohost and founder of the top-rated Almost 30 and Morning Microdose podcasts and founder of Making Tarot Modern
"You Are the One You've Been Waiting For convincingly reveals a profound truth: if we want to have deeply loving, authentic, meaningful intimate relationships we must begin with the one person we know we can influence--ourselves. Thoroughly researched yet totally accessible, Dr. Richard Schwartz's book is written in a compelling manner that had me hooked and gave me hope and tools for how I can enjoy more peaceful, courageously loving relationships." --Tara Schuster, author of Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies and the forthcoming Glow in the F*cking Dark
"In his new book, Richard Schwartz shares key insights for people who struggle to hold on to their sense of self in the context of relationships. You Are the One You've Been Waiting For is a must-read for anyone seeking a companion on the path toward self-compassion and love." --Esther Perel, psychotherapist, author, and host of the Where Should We Begin? podcast
"Emerging research suggests that the Internal Family Systems model, developed by Dick Schwartz and outlined in this book, cultivates self-acceptance, enhances inner compassion, and improves emotion regulation skills. This book applies the IFS model to one of the most complex human challenges and opportunities for healing, which is navigating intimate relationships. Our modern culture leaves us adrift in a sea of misunderstandings about how to achieve and sustain intimacy, and this book guides the reader to realize that the healing journey must first start with oneself." --Zev Schuman-Olivier, MD, assistant professor, Department of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, and director, Center for Mindfulness and Compassion, Cambridge Health Alliance
