Partnership is rough. In This Messy, Gorgeous Love, married Buddhist teachers nico and devon hase help readers thrive in long-term relationships, well after the honeymoon shine has faded. This nuts-and-bolts guide offers a pathway to deep intimacy in the real world, where partnership is difficult but genuinely worth it.
"If you're struggling, you can use that struggle to open your heart and connect with your partner," write nico and devon in this refreshingly candid guide. Through heartfelt guidance-complete with practices, exercises, and reflections-readers will learn to:
. Face relationship challenges with presence instead of perfectionism
. Develop meditative skills to hold emotions with awareness
. Communicate effectively during inevitable ups and downs
. Get real without losing connection
. Find each other again and again
Instead of chasing an idealized relationship, "fixing" their partner, or losing themselves, readers will discover how their current committed relationship can become a vehicle for opening their heart, clarifying their mind, and awakening to deeper truths. This book isn't about everlasting happiness-it's about building something even better: a partnership where you can be happy in love, thrive in conflict, and have honest fun together, all while embracing the beautiful mess that makes your connection uniquely yours.
About the Author :
nico and devon hase are married Buddhist teachers who help others blossom in the beautiful challenge of long-term romance. nico lived in a monastery for six years before earning a PhD in counseling psychology. devon teaches at Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, and other meditation centers. Coauthors of How Not to Be a Hot Mess, they live in a converted van named "Chanda"-experiencing firsthand the rocky terrain of partnership in close quarters. For more, visit devonandnicohase.com.
Review :
Praise for This Messy, Gorgeous Love
"devon and nico bring disarming humor, tenderness, and Buddhist wisdom to the wild terrain of love--showing us that fights, foibles, and even photo-day disasters can open the heart. Honest, quirky, and compassionate--this is dharma for real relationships."―Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and Trusting the Gold
"A fresh take on love from two people who are deeply in love--and unafraid to share the messy parts. nico and devon's wisdom shines through in this practical, tender, and disarmingly honest guide that will transform the way you think about partnership."―Judson Brewer, MD, PhD, author of Unwinding Anxiety and The Hunger Habit
"This Messy, Gorgeous Love brings Buddhist wisdom to the beating heart of relationship. With humor, tenderness, and hard-won insight, the authors remind us that intimacy is a profound practice--a field of awakening where compassion ripens and selfless love becomes real. It's practical, soulful, and joyfully human."―Ruth King, author of Mindful of Race
"For anyone navigating the joys and challenges of romantic partnership, This Messy, Gorgeous Love by devon and nico hase offers a wealth of wisdom and practical guidance. Drawing from nearly two decades together and the depth of their Buddhist practice, the authors beautifully integrate day-to-day 'work in the trenches' with profound insights gained from multi-year meditation retreats. They illuminate how relationships can be an integral, heart-opening part of the path to freedom. A joyful and uplifting read--highly recommended."―Joseph Goldstein, author of Mindfulness
"This book is delightful to read and shares a personal and Buddhist orientation to relationships."―John Gottman, author of Fight Right
"With refreshing honesty and humor, devon and nico hase show us how to create and nurture a sense of refuge, resilience, and depth within our most intimate relationships. Firmly grounded in Buddhist teachings and their own professional and personal experience, This Messy, Gorgeous Love encourages us to connect with ourselves in order to connect with those we love."―Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Life
"In a relationship? Read this book! Throughout This Messy, Gorgeous Love, devon and nico hase are like your two best friends sharing intimately and honestly about all the places they've messed up--and all the places they've healed, repaired, and deepened their relationship--and how you can do it too. Drawing on Buddhist teachings and practice, decades of meditation, and their own hard-won wisdom, they write about relationships with love, humor, and damn good advice!"―Diana Winston, director of UCLA Mindful, author of The Little Book of Being and Fully Present
