How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned about Love and LGBTQ Parenthood

Trystan Reese is a gay transgender man married to Biff, a gay man who is not transgender. The young couple had been together a little over a year when they learned that Biff's one-year-old niece, Hailey, and three-year-old nephew, Riley, were about to be removed from their home by Child Protective Services because of abuse and neglect. Trystan and Biff made an immediate decision to take them in. Overnight, they became parents to two tiny, scared kids and took the first steps toward building a safe, loving, and nurturing home for their new family. After five years of legal battles they adopted Hailey and Riley, and soon after, decided to grow their family biologically with a child that Trystan would carry. He had a pre-pregnancy check-up, stopped taking testosterone, became pregnant, and in 2017 gave birth to Leo. In How We Do Family, Trystan weaves together his personal story of finding self-love, growing into his relationship and role as an adoptive parent, carrying and giving birth to a biological child, and raising confident and socially aware children - all while sharing lessons he's learned about being the best parent, partner, and person that you can be. While there are countless details that make Trystan's non-traditional family unique, there are many more ways that they are just like any other.

About the Author :
Trystan Reese launched into the public eye as 'the pregnant man' in 2017, when the story of his family gained international media attention. He is the Director of Family Formation at Family Equality, a nonprofit dedicated to advancing equality for LGBTQ families. He lives in Portland, Oregon, with his partner Biff and their three kids.

Review :
"2021 Foreword INDIES Bronze Winner "[Trystan and Biff] continue to live their lives publicly through Trystan’s Instagram and new book to let others in their shoes know they aren't alone, and open more minds along the way." "[This] book is joyful, insightful, and so damn lovely that you’re doing yourself a disservice by not owning it." "If the start of this family was accidental, the queer parenthood has been purposeful. How We Do Family has advice for queer and trans would-be parents on navigating legal and medical systems, as well as parents who want to rethink their family’s values." "This narrative of an extraordinary family describes what it’s like to be a trans father, a pregnant man, an adoptive father—what it’s like to invent and enact new relational structures. Trystan Reese writes with great tenderness and compassion, and also with a well-considered agenda of political and social activism. This rollicking book will release love that might otherwise have remained buried; it limns the exact quality of joy that can inhere in inventing not only yourself, but also the world you live in." "A love letter to queer culture and queer strength and what people of any gender or sexuality can learn from it." "You can’t meet Trystan and not like him. The same goes for this book. First of all, he spelled everything right. Those correctly spelled words make a great read about Trystan and his pregnancy. Yes. His. See I told you this book was going to be good. You’re gonna learn stuff but you’ll like it." "This triumphant tale of unwavering love had me laughing, crying, and celebrating this beautiful family. A powerful personal story with plenty of wisdom to share on everything from LGBTQ awareness to parenting challenges—the whole world should read this book." "To read this book is to be drawn in to a family love story so compelling that you can’t help but wish that Trystan and his family were your neighbors, so that you could bask in their wonder-fulness every day. How We Do Family serves both as a critically necessary educational tool as well as a captivating story of one person’s dogged pursuit of personal, marital, familial, and communal health and connection. A beautiful piece of art and instruction, it offers powerful lessons in empathy, advocacy, and open-hearted partnering and parenting. Most of all, however, it tells the story of love so strong and determined that everything within it seems luminous around it’s very human core. Our world would be a significantly better place if it were required reading for all." "While ‘gay trans man has a baby’ is what will draw many people to this book, inside, there is much to learn about how to be a parent, a partner, and a member of a supportive community. Reese utterly dismantles the argument that children cannot thrive without a mother and a father at home."