The The Splitting Up: Enmeshment & Estrangement In The Process Of Divorce

This thoroughly researched volume examines the emotional process of divorce, from the characterological struggle that leads to the breakup through the difficult adjustments that come after the marriage is over. Illustrated throughout with evocative case examples, the book explores why marriages fail, the feelings and reactions of both the rejecting and rejected partners, the psychodynamics of jealousy, the possibility of reconciliation, and the impact of divorce on children. Psychological and cultural perspectives are combined to provide valuable conceptual and clinical insights for professionals working with individuals and families in crisis.

Table of Contents:
Preface Prologue: The Argument of the Book I. The Couple in Separation Introduction 1. Why Can't They Be Civilized? 2. Dynamics of the Couple-System 3. The Countersymbiant Partner 4. The Symbiant Mate 5. Leaving II. Jealousy Introduction 6. Infidelity vs. Jealousy: Social History of a Dialectic 7. Geometry of the Eternal Triangle 8. The Defilement Taboo: Jealousy's Legacy III. Catastrophic and Other Severe Reactions to Rejection in Love Introduction 9. Suicide: In the Shadow of the Object 10. Crimes of Passion 11. Psychosomatic Reactions to Rejection in Love 12. Sexual Dysfunction after Breakup IV. The Nuclear Family in Fission: Effects on Children Introduction 13. Children of Divorce in the New American Families 14. How Feasible is ""Cooperation where Children Are Concerned""? 15. The Fairy-Tale Divorce for Children V. Resolution of the Breakup: Letting Go vs. Reconciling Introduction 16. Love's Labor Lost: Letting Go 17. Reconciliation VI. Psychological and Social Adjustment Introduction 18. The Psychotherapy of Marital Breakups 19. The Issue of Guilt

About the Author :
Alvin Pam, PhD, is Principal Psychologist at Bronx Psychiatric Center and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Albert Einstein College of Medicine. He is also in private practice in Bronx, New York. Judith Pearson, PhD, is an associate faculty member of the Masterson Institute in New York City. She has worked as a supervising psychologist at Bronx Psychiatric Center and was Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. She is in private practice in New York City.

Review :
"This book takes us on a passionate journey into the emotional process of break-ups and the dynamics that drive the partners into closeness distance acrimony .... The authors draw upon vast clinical experience and a solid grasp of intrapsychic phenomena, personality development, and family systems theory to provide a landmark contribution to the understanding and treatment of couples." - Jo-Ann M. Rivera, PhD "This book reveals an internally consistent psychic logic' behind the wildly irrational feelings and behaviors that people frequently experience when going through a divorce. The concepts presented here have benefited my clinical practice enormously in the ten years since I was first introduced to Dr. Pam's work as a psychiatric resident." - Daniela V. Gitlin, MD "Provides a remarkably insightful and scrupulously researched portrait of divorce--its causes, its social and psychological context, and its profound effects on individuals and families. Refusing to look away from large moral questions, or to minimize the suffering caused by feelings of rage, abandonment, and betrayal, the book holds a mirror up to our times and helps us understand the painful struggles that accompany loss in family life, and in love." - Jay Neugeboren, author of Imagining Robert: My Brother, Madness, and Survival "This book takes us on a passionate journey into the emotional process of break-ups and the dynamics that drive the partners into closeness-distance acrimony. Written with clarity and depth, the book embeds the individual, dyad, and family in a social context emphasizing individualism and instant gratification. The authors draw upon vast clinical experience and a solid grasp of intrapsychic phenomena, personality development, and family systems theory to provide a landmark contribution to the understanding and treatment of couples." --Jo-Ann M. Rivera, PhD, Bronx Psychiatric Center, Albert Einstein College of Medicine "This book reveals an internally consistent 'psychic logic' behind the wildly irrational feelings and behaviors that people frequently experience when going through a divorce. The concepts presented here have benefited my clinical practice enormously in the ten years since I was first introduced to Dr. Pam's work as a psychiatric resident. Eminently relevant and practical, this book is a 'must-read' for anyone interested in the passions of interpersonal relationships." --Daniela V. Gitlin, MD, Plattsburgh, NY "One of the most enlightening books I have read in years. Splitting Up provides a remarkably insightful and scrupulously researched portrait of divorce--its causes, its social and psychological context, and its profound effects on individuals and families. Refusing to look away from large moral questions, or to minimize the suffering caused by feelings of rage, abandonment, and betrayal, the book holds a mirror up to our times and helps us understand the painful struggles that accompany loss in family life and in love. Essential reading for therapists, counselors, and anyone who has ever gone through the breakup of a serious relationship." --Jay Neugeboren, author of Imagining Robert "A 'must' both for counselors working with couples either contemplating or dealing with divorce, and for the individuals struggling over the issues that arise in such situations." --From the Foreword by James Masterson, MD