Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships

If there is one thing we know about men and sex it is that men are always in the mood. Any time, any place. Right? Wrong. Men’s sexual desire has long been depicted as high, simple, and unwavering. But the new research around men’s desire tells us this is far from true; and that good sex and relationships are suffering from these long-held misconceptions. In Not Always in the Mood: The New Science on Men, Sex, and Relationships sex researcher and relationship therapist Sarah Hunter Murray presents a lively, timely, and critical exploration of the newest, most surprising science on men and sex, shattering myths about men’s sexuality and helping today’s couples connect more deeply and authentically than ever before. One-by-one, Murray examines the most detrimental, deep-held beliefs we as a society promote around men and their desire, and dive into how they affect our intimate relationships daily – and what to do about it. Do men actually crave and enjoy sex more than women? Do men “do the wanting” and prefer the chase? Where do they stand on sexual rejection? What’s the deal with porn? Answering these questions and more, this is a book for modern women and men alike. Moving beyond typical “here’s what he likes” sexual tips, the book empowers readers and offers a completely new perspective on sexuality that will validate men’s experiences and help their partners to a greater understanding of the psychology and emotions surrounding them.

Table of Contents:
Introduction , , Origin of Myths , Myth 1 , The Motivation Myth , Myth 2 , The Gender Myth , Myth 3 , The Physical Appearances Myth , Myth 4 , The Selfish Myth , Myth 5 , The Porn Myth , Myth 6 , The Desirability Myth , Myth 7 , The Initiation Myth , Myth 8 , The Rejection Myth , Myth 9 , The Opportunity Myth , Myth 10 , The Masculinity Myth ,

About the Author :
Sarah Hunter Murray, PhD, is a leading researcher on sexual desire. For over a decade, she has dedicated her career to examining the nuances of sexuality as they affect modern relationships. Murray is best known for her groundbreaking work challenging traditional assumptions about men’s desire. Murray is a regularly sought-after sex and relationship expert for media outlets including Men’s Health, Fashion Magazine,Elle and Today’s Parent. Her research has been featured in LiveScience, Mic.com, Jezebel, and The Globe and Mail. She authors the blog “Myths of Desire: Rethinking Sex Roles and Expectations that Stifle Relationships” for Psychology Today. Her work has also been featured in several journals including the Journal of Sex Research, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, and Sex Roles. As a practicing relationship therapist under the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), she specializes in working with individuals and couples around sexual intimacy concerns. Sarah lives in Winnipeg, Canada, with her husband and two children.

Review :
From Elizabeth Bernstein 2/2/2019 article on "Debunking the Myths About Male Sexuality" - Long-held stereotypes contend they're always interested in sex; happiest being the pursuer; focused on the physical rather than the emotional connection. If we discuss male sexuality at all, we tend to focus on the darker, toxic side "the entitlement and aggression increasingly exposed by the #MeToo movement. But a new book coming out Feb. 12, "Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships" by Sarah Hunter Murray, debunks a number of commonly held myths about male sexuality. It explores how a man's desire fluctuates, why most men are eager to please their partner, and how sex "or the lack of it" affects men emotionally. In her excellent book, Dr. Murray shares the latest research findings in the field which is good news for all men and women who want to feel less stress and worry about sex. . . . Her book goes a long way in helping us all have a more relaxed, joyful, and passionate love life. What’s gotten lost in all the hype about an epidemic of low sexual desire in women is that a sizable number of men also lose their desire for sex. When a man experiences low desire the effects on a relationship can be disastrous. Finally, there is a book that addresses this overlooked issue by challenging the myths about masculine sexuality that often contribute to the problem or disrupt the solution. As a sex therapist, I will recommend this book to patients and as a woman I will look forward to reading it. This is a long overdue and much needed resource. Sarah Murray has the credentials to author this book and the writing skills to make it accessible reading to the wide audience who will find this a relevant and fascinating topic. Not Always in the Mood confronts the myths and misconceptions about men — they're always ready for and desiring sex — and clearly illuminates how those myths and misconceptions are harmful not only to men, but also to the women who love and care about them. In thoughtful, nonjudgmental, practical, compassionate and engaging language, Dr. Murray helps men and women explore and rethink preconceived beliefs and cultural messaging about sex, intimacy and desire, and offers ways for couples and would-be couples to better communicate about what have been admittedly uncomfortable conversations. This is the book we've been waiting to read, one that helps us better understand why men are the way they are. In this wonderful, readable, and authoritative book, Dr. Murry tells the truth about many of the myths of manhood that we have taken as fact. Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships is a book I highly recommend for all men and women who want to improve their sex and love lives.