Nightmares & Ice Cream

At bedtime, a child will protest and resist going to sleep in a room alone. They believe there are monsters under the bed, a boogey man in the closet. Nightmares like these originate with our ancestral hunter-gatherer society, where monsters were real. Sleeping alone in the dark with no one around inevitably led to vicious attacks by animals. Only those who slept in groups, surrounded by family and adults, survived in the wild. As a child, I was never afraid of sleeping solo in a dark room. I would crawl beneath the bed and hug the imaginary monsters close for protection. I used to hide in the pitch-black closet, terrified of the sliver of light that sliced through the slats and around the edges of the door. I'd clench my fingers around the part in those doors to keep them shut, sometimes squeezing so tightly I would cut myself on the metal edges. I was never afraid of monsters in the dark, because I faced an intoxicated monster who regularly whipped out his belt and prowled around the house for someone he could make bleed. This book contains potent and menacing imagery, tales of horror and retribution; it's an account of coming to terms with all the mental and physical damage brought on by a pathological father who never understood restraint. Sensitive readers may find these poems too powerful. Survivors of child abuse will relate, but will be triggered with raw emotion upon opening this book. The stronger ones will find solace in discovering they are not alone. This book is for all humanity, to spotlight domestic violence and explore the psychology of what we survivors have faced every day since the first blow fell. My hope is to prevent anyone from ever again having to experience the torture of being harmed by someone they trusted and loved.

About the Author :
Xoandre grew up in and around Galesburg-a small town in the heart of Illinois. The constantly changing landscape of the town fueled his passion for expressing thought, emotion, and analysis of social norms. The second of four children, Xoandre endured (and has recovered from) countless vicious attacks, beatings, whippings, and punches from his pathological and brutal addict of a father, as well as from bullies in elementary school. "Some people write diaries, some keep daily journals. While I only rarely kept a journal, words have never stopped flowing. Poetry allows me to explore the world I perceive, expose the underlying revelations in my mind, and extrapolate the possibilities of human potential. I write to expose raw emotions and thoughts that would otherwise drag me to the deepest, darkest pit of anxiety, poverty, and self-destruction. I write from the heart; sometimes what comes out of my heart and mind has frightened those who have never known strife. Some have told me to remain silent on these disconcerting issues. To those who do not understand, and equally to those who understand more than they wish to admit, I say this: Set your emotions free and expel the darkness before it consumes you. Poetry is my diary, a journal: my way to release the pain and seek joy in life." When not performing stunt work in community theatrical productions, writing all-new poetry, and working on a long-neglected novel and short fiction, developing a children's book, an epic and very odd autobiography, more volumes in this book series, and polishing ideas for screenplays, Xoandre actively performs Spoken Word readings of poems and prose monthly in various settings on the western outskirts of the Chicago Suburbs.