With blackberries, cell phones, and nonstop email keeping parents and kids connected in the college years and early adulthood, many parents are wondering, How much is too much? When is it right to help and when is it better to step away? In The iConnected Parent, a psychology professor and a New York Times journalist provide invaluable advice for this increasingly complicated transitional time, showing parents how to stay connected with their kids in a healthy, helpful, noninvasive way. "Just let go!" That's what parents have been told to do when their kids go to college. But in our speed-dial culture, with BlackBerries and even Skype, parents and kids are now more than ever in constant contact. Today's iConnected parents say they are closer to their kids than their parents were to them--and this generation of families prefers it that way. Parents are their children's mentors, confidants, and friends--but is this good for the kids? Are parents really letting go--and does that matter?
Dr. Barbara Hofer, a Middlebury College professor of psychology, and Abigail Sullivan Moore, a journalist who has reported on college and high school trends for the New York Times, answer these questions and more in their groundbreaking, compelling account of both the good and the bad of close communication in the college years and beyond. An essential assessment of the state of parent-child relationships in an age of instant communication, The iConnected Parent goes beyond sounding the alarm about the ways many young adults are failing to develop independence to describe the healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships that can emerge when families grow closer in our wired world.
Communicating an average of thirteen times a week, parents and their college-age kids are having a hard time letting go. Hofer's research and Moore's extensive reporting reveal how this trend is shaping families, schools, and workplaces, and the challenge it poses for students with mental health and learning issues. Until recently, students handled college on their own, learning life's lessons and growing up in the process. Now, many students turn to their parents for instant answers to everyday questions. "My roommate's boyfriend is here all the time and I have no privacy! What should I do?" "Can you edit my paper tonight? It's due tomorrow." "What setting should I use to wash my jeans?" And Mom and Dad are not just the Google and Wikipedia for overcoming daily pitfalls; Hofer and Moore have discovered that some parents get involved in unprecedented ways, phoning professors and classmates, choosing their child's courses, and even crossing the lines set by university honor codes with the academic help they provide. Hofer and Moore offer practical advice, from the years before college through the years after graduation, on how parents can stay connected to their kids while giving them the space they need to become independent adults.
Cell phones and laptops don't come with parenting instructions. The iConnected Parent is an invaluable guide for any parent with a child heading to or already on campus.
About the Author :
Barbara K. Hofer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Middlebury College who conducts research and teaches about adolescence and the transition to adulthood. The parent of a daughter and son who recently completed college, she knows the issues of parenting this generation firsthand. Abigail Sullivan Moore has been a regular contributor to the New York Times, writing about high school, college, and university issues. She is the parent of two boys--one in college, the other in middle school--and faces her own iConnecting challenges daily.
Review :
"[A] thoughtful and accessible guide that examines a new reality... Thanks to technology, many parents and children are in constant, daily communication. (The authors, Middlebury professor Barbara Hofer and journalist Abigail Sullivan Moore, provide compelling statistics to back up their point.) They also offer sensible guidelines about how to navigate this unprecedented access to your child's life in college. They point out why certain behaviors -- providing a last-minute edit on a term paper, intervening with a dean because your child says her roommate is mean -- can damage your college kid's ability to solve problems without you, a key element in becoming an adult." --USA Today
"Every parent of a college-bound high school student should read this book! Hofer and Moore provide a realistic view on technology-enhanced parenting with a sincerity, humor, and wit that is uncommon in other books on this topic. Whether we like it or not, the days of the weekly phone call home from college - usually on a Sunday night after waiting in line for the pay phone - are long over. The authors provide sound advice for parents in considering appropriate boundaries for contacting their college students via e-mail, text messaging, instant messaging, and the ever present mobile phone/device, while encouraging students to advocate for themselves."
--Beverly Low, Dean of First-Year Students, Colgate University
"Some of the real life stories you'll read in The iConnected Parent are jaw-dropping, some simply eye-opening, and all of the advice is practical and easy to apply. Buy this ground-breaking book as a present for yourself when your child graduates from high school. It's a sound investment in your son's or daughter's future self-reliance."
--Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
"The road to adulthood is longer than ever, and in some ways more challenging than ever for emerging adults and their parents. This book provides excellent information and insights about how parents can help their emerging adults navigate this road--but also about what the limits should be and how parents can learn to let go."
--Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Clark University, author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties
