Introvert: A Book of Poetry

My father left shortly after I was born and returned on my thirteenth birthday. I had no memory of him and harbored no ill feelings towards him. He was attached to my heart by no actions of his own. I was sitting on the porch daydreaming when the high yellow stranger walked up. He extended his hand and said "hello." I knew it was him our eyes matched perfectly. He lowered his strong face equal with mine and apologizes quietly. He mumbled words that were full of sadness and tinged with love. He explained how he lost his way in life and disappeared among the journey of circumstances. My mother stood at the door peering through the screen as she cleared her throat to get his attention. He looked at her with frightened hazel eyes. Her soft brown hands opened the door as she stepped into the sunlight. The frown on her face questions his arrival. The high yellow stranger turned his head to disconnect from her gaze. He backed slowly down the steps and said "hello." She interrupted him with a quick response by stating, "We are perfect and we don't require your presence." The high yellow stranger chuckled, low at first, then hysterically. He tried to explain to her that life wasn't fair. My mother shooed him away with her hands as if he was a fly buzzing around her ears annoying her. The high yellow stranger walked away clumsy. He glanced back at me and winked his eye while mouthing the words "I love you." That scene between my parents set the tone for me. I understood without a doubt that my mother is my protector and my father a visitor. I was crossing the street hurriedly in a white cotton dress with a soft pink rose sewn at the waist reliving that memory when he bumped into me causing me to stumbled and fall to the ground. Embarrassed, I scrambled about quickly trying to compose myself. He apologized loudly and endlessly as I nodded to acknowledge that surely I had accepted the apology. I glanced up at the tall black bald headed man that knocked me to the ground as he offered a crooked smile that I accepted easily. It was at that very moment unbeknown to me that my life would begin an invisible downward spiral that would manifest many years later. I did not comprehend that I would pay a horrendous price to be his woman. That exploration of love would cost me the inability to understand my value. I would lose myself in the midst of his arrogance. I poured every ounce of love I had inside of me on him. I gave him my breath and he mocked my generosity. He raped me mentally and emotionally in front of my family and strangers. He didn't bother to keep things private. He betrayed me openly in front of his family and son. He called me derogatory names and punished me if I defended myself. He neglected my existence after I moved mountains for him. He denied he knew me as not to offend his lover. His actions screamed his hatred for me and my denial had an amazing ability to excuse his behavior while sympathizing with his lies. He introduced me to pain that I accepted with patience and ignorance. He was a coward and disappeared in the dark of night. The morning crept in with this realization and paralyzes me. I staggered to the chair strengthen by resolve. I inhaled the years of pain he inflicted and immediately appreciated life. I cried mourning the lost of familiarity. I was afraid that I would begin to see the damage that remained invisible in his presence. Today was the day that family prayers were being answered. It was the day that freedom was forced on me against my will. I pondered my options and the only logical step was to heal myself from years of verbal and mental abuse. I knew the road ahead was comprised of quicksand dedicated to me. I lowered my body as I kneeled to pray asking GOD to strengthen me for this journey.