A therapeutic guide to recognizing, releasing, and recovering from relationships that harm your mental and emotional health.
Winner of the International Book Award in the category of Self-Help: Relationships, awarded by American Book Fest
Relationships are meant to nourish us—but what happens when they cause harm instead? In Mend or Move On, licensed professional counselor and board-certified art therapist Kate King offers a bold, compassionate guide to breaking free from toxic dynamics and reclaiming a life rooted in self-respect and happiness.
King challenges the long-held belief that family loyalty and social harmony should come at the expense of personal well-being. This book is not about saving every connection—it's about knowing which relationships are worth healing, and which ones demand an honest goodbye. With insight, clarity, and empathy, King outlines the seven most common traps that keep people stuck in painful friendships, partnerships, family bonds, and professional dynamics. These include internalized guilt, unhealed trauma, codependency, and more. She guides readers through the difficult process of deciding whether to stay or walk away by outlining practical, psychology-informed tools that support both paths. Whether repairing a struggling bond or finding the strength to sever it, readers will gain strategies to navigate complex emotional territory with integrity.
Through cutting-edge research and powerful stories from her clients and her own life, King offers a safe space to explore questions of belonging, betrayal, boundaries, and healing. Her unique approach provides a holistic path forward that emphasizes creative expression, evidence-based concepts, and nervous system regulation. This guide invites readers to build relationships that are honest, kind, and respectful—and to walk away from those that are dysfunctional, abusive, and beyond repair.
Table of Contents:
Contents
Author's Note
Definitions
Introduction: Life is Too Short for Harmful Relationships
1. Relationships are Like Oil Paintings
2. The Skull and Crossbones of Toxic Relationships
3. The Seven Traps of Toxic Relationships
4. The Rainbow of Relationships
5. The Bittersweet Truth
6. A Chapter About Triggering Words
7. Aligned Relationships: A Puzzle Piece Theory
8. Parts Psychology: How Your Parts Feel About Their Parts
9. Trauma & Trust: From Friendships to Family to the Shamans of Africa
10. Commitment: When to Keep It, When to Break It
11. When Relationships Go South
12. When It's More Than the Two of You
13. The Six Relationships Tools You Won't Want to Leave Home Without
Epilogue: I Hope You Choose You
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index
About the Author
About the Author :
Kate King, MA, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor, board-certified art therapist, and the award-winning author of The Radiant Life Project.
Review :
"For anyone questioning the health of their relationships including the need for communication and boundaries, King approaches the complexity of connection with compassion and an ongoing invitation to stay curious. As an art therapist, King takes this self-help book to another level with engaging prompts for enhanced self-discovery and insight."-Khara Croswaite Brindle, therapist and author of Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships: Guiding the Adult Daughter's Healing Journey through the Estrangement Energy Cycle "This transformative book is medicine for anyone ready to stop abandoning themselves for the comfort of others. King's compassionate approach empowers readers to reclaim their authentic worth and create relationships built on genuine respect and truth rather than compliance and peacekeeping."-Jen Berlingo, author of Midlife Emergence: Free Your Inner Fire "A practical, inspiring guide for anyone who wants to transform their life by learning to recognize, understand, and release toxic relationship dynamics."-Eli Harwood, author of Securely Attached and Raising Securely Attached Kids "Mend or Move On is a compassionate, practical, and deeply validating guide for anyone navigating painful or confusing relationships. With clarity and heart, it helps readers discern whether to repair or release the bonds that shape their lives."-Sherrie Campbell, author of Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members
