What's Wrong with You: Seven Logical Steps to Understanding Emotional Illusions

Table of Contents:
Foreword 1 What's Wrong With Me? 1 Introduction 3 What's Wrong With You? 3 Man 5 Theory: Darwin's Theory of Evolution 5 Case Study: Mama 6 Understanding Why 7 Trait: We are Survivors 8 Case Study: Step-Mama 9 Understanding Why 11 Step 1: The 1st Hypothesis 12 You prioritise Survival over Happiness 12 Exercise: What did you survive? 13 Q&A 14 So what's the answer Ben? 14 Consciousness 17 Theory: The Conscious Mind 17 Case Study: Dorothea 19 Understanding Why? 21 Trait: Control through the Correlation of Cause and Effect 22 Case Study: Dorothea plus one 23 Understanding Why? 26 Step 2: The 2nd Hypothesis 27 Consciousness is the Tool of Survival 27 Exercise: What did you decide? 28 Q&A 29 Why do I feel like this? 29 Unconsciousness 32 Theory: Trauma and its Effects 32 Case Study: Hot Rod 34 Understanding Why? 37 Trait: the Consciousness is Shrunk by Fear 37 Case Study: Hot Rod, at home 40 Understanding Why? 43 Step 3: The 3rd Hypothesis 45 Trauma is the Enemy of Happiness 45 Exercise: What did you repress? 46 Revision 47 Steps One, Two and Three 47 The Vicious Circle of Life, Trauma, the Conscious and Unconscious Minds 47 Q&A 49 Drifting 49 Projection 59 Theory: Projection 59 Case Study: Heather 62 Understanding Why? 67 Theory: Fate 67 Case Study: Heather regained 69 Understanding Why? 72 Cure: Our Response to Others 73 Cure: Our Response to Circumstances 74 Step 4: The 1st Conclusion 76 the Unconscious use of Projection and Fate 76 Exercise: Did you get what you need and not what you want? 77 The Central Practice 78 Teaching the Conscious Mind to Understand the Cause and Effect of Trauma 78 Q&A 80 Is it me? 80 Relationships 84 Theory: Mutual Projections (a.k.a. Relationships) and Lovers 84 Case Study: Scarlet 86 Understanding Why? 89 Theory: Mutual Projections (a.k.a. Relationships) and Parents & Children 90 Case Study: Scarlet lost 93 Understanding Why? 97 Cure: Resolution 97 Step 5: The 2nd Conclusion 100 the Unconscious use of Mutual Projections 100 Exercise: Do you really know your friends? 101 Q&A 102 Self-centredness, Other-centeredness 102 Society 106 Theory: Two Tribes go to War 106 Case Study: Eton 109 Understanding Why? 111 Cure: Love versus the Rat Race 112 Step 6: The 3rd Conclusion 115 the Unconscious use of Tribal Projections 115 Exercise: Do you really know your politics? 116 Revision 117 Steps Four, Five and Six 117 The Vicious Circle of Projection, Fate, Relationships and Society 117 Q&A 119 Power of negativity 119 God 125 Theory: Meaning of God 125 Case Study: The Desert 128 Understanding Why? 130 Theory: a Role for God 130 Case Study: The Desert, continued 131 Understanding Why? 134 Cure: an Understanding of God 134 Step 7: Completing the Circle 136 the Conscious Mind meets the Unconscious Mind 136 Exercise: Do you really know yourself? 137 Q&A 138 Apathy 138 Conclusion 140 In Summary 140 Revision 144 Steps One to Seven 144 The Central Practice 146 Teaching the Conscious Mind to Understand the Cause and Effect of Trauma 146 About the Author 148

About the Author :
Benjamin Fry is married with three children and lives in London. He read physics and philosophy at Oxford University and is now a writer television presenter and entrepreneur. He began his professional life as a male model after leaving school and then started in business setting up a nightclub at the age of twenty. He spent two years at film school in Los Angeles and encountered there many of the ideas associated with the American West-coast movement of "finding oneself". He has directed one film and written film scripts subsequently. He developed an interest in psychotherapy during extensive and varied personal treatment. He completed a foundation course in psychotherapy from Regent's College, London in 1998. He presents the BBC series "Spendaholics" and is their psychological coach.

Review :
This is one of the best self-help books available and likely to be the catalyst for many into whatever form of personal development is the right option - be it therapy, psychotherapy counselling. But Benjamin Fry himself makes no claims to being anything other than someone who has gone through a process. His book is written from the standpoint of one who has faced his demons and sought help from various sources, and pulled all of this together into something that makes sense. By forming an understanding of what lies beneath the techniques that helped him he provides us with a guide, for anyone embarking on a journey to self-discovery, that can only make it easier to navigate. His book appeals at very many different levels. The author starts by taking a very logical approach about how to deal with what's wrong with you by proposing a simple hypothesis - that the cause of all our problems is the suppressed trauma that we all carry around with us; and that we find hard to deal with simply because we don't understand where it comes from. What we fail to understand is that the constant projection of all of this onto others around us is the wisest part of ourselves - our unconscious - drawing our attention to what needs dealing with. Once we are willing to go beyond the confines of our conscious minds and allow our unconscious minds to do its work unfettered, we can begin to heal. Logical? Yes. But having made the case that this is something you must do, he doesn't let you off the hook of having to feel the pain - he makes clear that the only way to emotional freedom is 'through' it - which is daunting for most of us! These feelings of long buried emotional distress, that probably hurt you more that your grown up logical adult mind can comprehend, are real and valid and have to be resolved. But one of the great strengths of this book is that he never lets you lose sight of the goal and it is full of constant reminders about how worthwhile the process is. Interwoven into his thesis is his own personal story of the loss of his mother as a baby, the subsequent emotional breakdown he experienced as an adult and how he dealt with it - which was to be the turning point in his life. This, along with the extracts of discussions with people he has worked with via the internet (see his Forum) and the exercises he suggests at the end of each section, act as mirrors for the reader to allow you to explore the issues and recurring patterns in your own life and to see them for what they really are - projections of past experiences repeatedly thrown up until you get the message. I probably did not find anything new in this book - all the elements I am familiar with. What is compelling about it is how the author presents these elements. They are woven together in a structured elegant and logical way that just makes so much sense. Albeit he uses different language, his book covers much of the same ground as many other writers in the field of personal development. He does, however, avoid getting bogged down in the quasi spiritual or relying too heavily on the 'You can if you change your mind' approach to personal development. In a market where there is so much published that gives those of us that are searching for solutions to 'what's wrong with us' a bit of a high before we move on to the next one, this will be read, digested and acted on. And there perhaps is the real strength of this book - it does not offer a quick fix. Rather it provides a clear answer to the question posed, a compelling reason for going out and doing something about it and a wonderful reassurance that, while it will take time, the benefits and rewards will be so much more than we can begin to imagine. If I have one gripe it is possibly the title and even that is a minor gripe. Let's face it, as a title 'What's wrong with you?' is negative. But then again it starts from where most people who pick up personal development books are at. In doing that, it is honest and real. The positive kick is there, however, in the subtitle - Seven Logical Steps to Understanding Emotional Illusions. I would venture to suggest it goes further than "understanding" and starts the process of stripping away the emotional illusions (or delusions) to get at what is real within ourselves. I have read a lot of self-help books - this has been of immense benefit to me! I have never written a review before - I simply had to write this. I hope it helps.