Learning to Listen with Significant Others

Have you ever found yourself saying: Are you listening? Pay attention! Did you hear me? All of these situations can be remedied, or even prevented, through the practice of effective listening. Listening is the first language skill used but one that is least studied and developed. It is a skill employers respect most in their employees and one most admired in interpersonal relationships. This book defines the different types of listening and explores the basic elements of communication. It offers insight and clarification of the listening process found in personal relationships, group interactions, public/professional transactions, and societal roles. This book is not intended to be a classroom textbook, but, as supplemental material on the importance of effective communication through listening. Based on academic theory, the book presents abstract concepts in a conversational manner. It uses common language style with clear reference to one's everyday experience. There is an awareness of listening as an interpersonal verbal interaction. Through vivid examples and practical exercises insights are made into the participant's mental process. Listening activities based on the author's 30+ years in education help the reader and significant other(s) gain a greater understanding and appreciation of interpersonal communication on a deeper level. They will have a better understanding of their own listening behavior and preferences and the listening behavior and preferences of others. Verbal and nonverbal elements have a significant influence on the effectiveness of communication. Verbal responses include questioning, paraphrasing and repeating verbatim what the speaker says. Some of the nonverbal elements include time, space/proximity/furniture, eye levels, and the angle at which the communicators are positioned. It can take three to four minutes of pleasantries at the beginning of the conversation before effective listening begins. These and many other behaviors can predict the success of the relationship. Learning and using effective listening techniques and strategies will help avoid frustration and stress. Good listening habits, as part of effective communication, can be developed and mastered. This book is best suited for couples preparing to marry, counselors, using it for supervisors' training, partner training, physicians' and teachers' training, law enforcement officers, attorney training, and for those who want to improve their interpersonal communication.

Review :
Dr. Margarete Imhof, Department of Educational Psychology, Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz, Germany: Emeritus Bob Bohlken has published a very special book for readers with the goal to improve on their interpersonal listening skills and attitudes and who consider to do this specifically in interaction with a close relative or friend. The approach which Bohlken takes is explicitly non-academic, but nonetheless based on a profound personal knowledge of the intricacies and challenges involved in listening. The presentation of listening skills and attitudes is framed by a theoretical model which identifies discriminative, comprehensive, critical, and emphatic listening as mutually interdependent but still distinct forms of listening which ask for specific skills. Though guided by theory, Bohlken uses his talent to present abstract concepts in a conversational manner using everyday language with clear relevance to everyday experience. The style of the book does justice both to the underlying research and to the needs of the reader who might be a novice in listening theory and practice. Each concept is presented with a language rich in metaphors and, wherever feasible, with a story to anchor the information in an accessible and often humorous image. In addition, and this is the strong point of the book, Bohlken offers a wealth of practical, reflexive and observational exercises. These exercises strongly encourage the reader to exchange the ideas presented in the text with a significant other and to actively explore different perspectives. Going through these practice ideas will support the reader to fathom the concepts in more depth and to better grasp how listening in its various facets work and what listening skills can do for you and your relationships. However, Bohlken's book does not give the reader easy;, clear-cut normative advice. Bohlken extends an invitation to the reader to consider and to reconsider habits and communication patterns, to reflect upon strengths and weaknesses and to think of consequences, effects, and alternatives. It is interesting that the core of the instruction model of the book contains the idea of mutual feedback: Listening skills will most likely develop when communicators ask for feedback of a significant other from step one onwards. Evaluation: The book is very probably not a stand-alone textbook for an academically oriented course on listening. However, the practice ideas and the challenges for reflection may be useful and insightful additions for any learners. The book is recommended for all those who seek to improve their listening skills in their everyday relationships and who are looking for a point of departure to seriously explore their own habits and attitudes in interpersonal communication and, in particular, listening. The ideas and exercises presented in the book have the potential to spark fruitful discussions. In the hands of an instructor, the concepts and practice exercises can certainly be adjusted to the needs and comprehension level of a group of learners. --Prof.Dr. Margarete Imhof I have read the book and think it is important. Thank you for sharing. A wonderful addition to listening literature. --Dr. Pamela Cooper, Program, Director, Communication Studies