The D-Word: Talking about Dying: A Guide for Relatives, Friends and Carers

The D-Word is a practical guide to support relatives, friends and carers who are coping with the distress and anxiety of someone nearing the end of life, or who has suddenly died. Today, life-extending treatments have over-ridden care for the soul. Death is regarded as a medical failure, and usually hidden away in hospitals, hospices, nursing homes and mortuaries. We have lost the ability to talk openly about the end of life. It's frightening to know how to talk to a relative or friend who is dying, or to someone who has been suddenly bereaved but unless we confront this fear, important things can remain unsaid or incomplete, which often turns into unresolved grief, guilt and anger. Personal stories from people from all walks of life explore the different ways they have come to terms with the dying process or the sudden death of their spouse, partner, parent, friend or child, how they have confronted their fear of talking about it, and ways in which they found support during this very difficult time.

Table of Contents:
Welcome to the D-Word Personal Stories Structure A personal Note SECTION ONE: DENIAL OF THE D-WORD Spiritual Values An Entitlement to Life The Effect On the Natural World SECTION TWO: DAYS GONE BY The Mediaeval Ars Moriendi From Home to Hospital The Media SECTION 3: DYING FROM A MEDICAL PERSPECTIVE The GP: The First Port of Call The Intensive Care Anaesthetist: Difficult End-of-Life Decisions The Palliative Medicine Consultant: Clear Communication The Palliative Care Clinical Nurse Specialist: Planning the Best Place to Die The Hospice Nurse: The Importance of Listening The Nursing Home Carer: Importance of Acting Normally SECTION 4: FAITH MAY HELP The Bishop: The Easter Story The Muslim Chaplain: Testament of Faith The Rabbi: A Ritual Path The Buddhist: the Importance of Community The Hindu: Karma and Reincarnation SECTION FIVE: HAVING THE CONVERSATION Broaching the D-Word When Relatives Are in Denial When the Dying Person Doesn't Want to Know When There's No Resolution When Children Are Not Allowed to Talk SECTION 6: SUDDEN OR VIOLENT DEATH A Brother's Murder A Car Crash A Sudden Heart Attack A Miscarriage Coping with Suicide SECTION 7: FINDING SUPPORT Speaking Euphemistically Not Everyone Experiences Grief Breaking Bad News Breaking Bad news Guidelines WHAT CAN BE DONE TO TACKLE THE D-WORD? SECTION 8: A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO SUPPORT THE DYING Introduction Saying Goodbye How to Listen Well Life Reviews The Dying Process End-of-Life Experiences Transpersonal End-of-Life Experiences Final Meaning End-of-life Experiences Dreams How to Tell the Difference Between End-of-Life Experience or Drug-Induced Hallucination? What Should I do if my relative or Friend has Dementia? What Should I do if I can't be there at the end? Being There at the End The Use of Gentle Touch Choosing the Moment to Go What Happens Physically When Someone Dies? When Death Happens What You Can Expect to Feel Immediately After Things Relatives Might Need to Think About Stopping Life-Extending Treatment Family Dynamics Practicalities to Consider At the Bedside Suggestions for friends What to Do What Not to Do Looking Back What Helped What Didn't Help Summary A FINAL FEW WORDS SOME HELPFUL CONTACTS

About the Author :
Sue Brayne is an accredited psychotherapist, workshop leader and writer.

Review :
'This accessible book describes the experiences of a wide range of individuals (both professionals and the general public) in relation to death and dying, and uses these experiences to helpfully inform and advise those who may be experiencing death and dying for the first time.' 'From the personal to the practical - debunking the myths and the medical jargon about death. The D-Word offers a new language and literacy for death and the dying process in a world disconnected from the meaning and life-giving aspects of the final stage of our journey on earth. This book is an indispensable tool for a clinician, client or family member. The personal stories are deeply moving and inspiring, and interspersed with clear, caring, practical guides on each stage of the death process. It belongs on the shelf of every doctor, nurse, therapist, counsellor and psychologist.' The D-Word is a very contemporary book addressing many issues of concern to both health professionals as well as the community. It encompasses not only practical approaches to working with and supporting dying people, but also the history of care for dying people, the language used and many experiences of people. I particularly appreciated chapter 4 where the voices of the various faith traditions are able to speak for themselves. And the chapter "having the conversation" is an important one for anyone concerned with care for a dying person. It is a rare gift that Sue Brayne delivers in her very practical yet compassionate work, The D-Word: Talking about Dying.  Her gift of open and honest dialogue about the many aspects of dying - from the medical to the spiritual to the everyday realities - is wrapped in a style that invites participation on a unique level.  Sue hand-picks universal emotions from the heavens and brings them gently down to earth.  The D-Word is heartfelt, true, and uncomplicated. I highly recommend this for everyone, since death is, as she puts it, "something which conclusively is going to happen to us all". Dying involves us all. Whether you are a professional carer or interested member of the public this book will speak to you! Full of real-life stories and perspectives from those directly involved with the dying, Sue offers valuable insights and guidance. This much needed addition to the literature should be found in every hospice library, made available to patients and relatives and be required reading for all students of palliative care. The D-Word: Talking about Dying constitutes a major contribution to our understanding of the realities of dying. It is an inspirational book and will touch the hearts of many but this is not a sentimental book, it will cause you to pause and think. It seeks to open up conversations about death and dying, within families, between patient and doctor, and in the wider society. In my view, this is to be welcomed as we all face death but often we do not talk though our fears and preferences until it is much too late. The book is easy to read and littered with richly evocative stories of dying. It is an excellent book and a valuable asset to all on the way to our common fate. The D-Word can be seen as a 21st-century update on the themes Elizabeth Ubler-Ross explored in her groundbreaking 1969 book On Death and Dying.  Brayne acknowledges spirituality as an inherent human need, which sets her apart from the other authors. Well written and practical, and made me wonder why no one had produced it before ... would be very useful to healthcare professionals, particularly nurses [The D-Word] is well organised. It represents a balance of personal experience, wider theory, and persistent engagement with the reader. The text is well laid out and clearly printed.