When Getting Along Is not Enough: Reconstructing Race in Our Lives and Relationships

Now more than ever, race has become a morphing relational dynamic that has less to do with the demographic census box we check and more with how we make sense of our lives—who we are and who we can become in relationship with others. Using anecdotes from her practice as a licensed psychologist and as an African American growing up in the South, Walker provides a way for educators and social service professionals to enter into cross-racial discussions about race and race relations. She identifies three essential relational skills for personal transformation and cultural healing that are the foundations for repairing the damage wrought by racism. While Walker does not sugarcoat the destructive history of racism that we all inherit in the United States, the book's vision is ultimately affirming, empowering, hopeful, and inclusive about the individual and collective power to heal our divisions and disconnections.Book Features: Presents a new way of understanding race as a relational dynamic and racism as a symptom of disconnection. Synthesizes, for the first time, two important systems of thought: relational-cultural theory and race/social identity theory. Includes "Pause to Reflect" exercises designed to stimulate group conversations in book clubs, social justice groups, staff development, classrooms, and workplace training. Offers practical, everyday solutions for people of different races to better understand and accept one another.

Table of Contents:
Contents Acknowledgments Introduction 1. The “It” Without a Name A Brief Survey of Race (as an Essentialist Concept) in America The Complexity of Everyday Racialized Interactions: Jo and the Clerk at the Convenience Store Race as a Relational Dynamic November Morning Redux and the “It-ness” of It All So Who Do You Think You Are? Reflections 2. When the Culture Hurts Racial Stratification Race and Neuroscience/Your Brain on Race Race and the “Dose” Effect Beyond the Barrier: Race Dialogues Systemic and Built-In Privilege Two Models of Human Engagement: Relational-Cultural Theory and Racial Identity Theory Multiple-Voiced Narratives Reflections 3. Race and Place: What’s Power Got to Do with It? Power and Powerlessness in Identity Narratives Power-Over Race, Place, and Power Reflections 4. Mascots, Missionaries, and Other Illusions of Power-Over Strategies of Disconnection Internalized Dominance Internalized Oppression Strategies of Disconnection and Illusions of Power-over Reflections 5. Sticks and Stones and Words That Hurt Aversive Racism Language as Codified Racism False Narratives 21st-Century Linguistic Dilemmas: The “N” Word Reflections 6. Disruptive Empathy: Beyond “I Feel Your Pain” Disruptive Empathy The ARC of Empathy A Story I Would Rather Not Tell Reflections 7. Mindful Authenticity Mindful Authenticity The Three C Mindset Mindful Authenticity and Self-Disclosure Mindful Authenticity and Productive Conflict One True Thing Showing Up for Your Own Truth Doing Authenticity: Four Simple Practices Holding Contradictory Truths Reflections 8. Dynamic Mutuality: Empowering Action in a Relationship Action in Relationship Understanding and Misunderstanding Dynamic Mutuality Dynamic Mutuality in Practice Dynamic Mutuality Is Not Synonymous with Compromise Strategies of Disconnection to Resist Dynamic Mutuality The Sound of One Hand Clapping and Other Caveats Reflections 9. Say It Isn’t So . . . and Other Race-Card Games Ideological Force Fields The “Silencers” A Few More Words about Race-Card Games Reflections 10. Nine Rules for Remaking the Meaning of Race Five Good Things: Clarity, Creativity, Zest, A Sense of Mattering, and A Desire for More Connection Rule 1: Pay attention to your body: Pause, then breathe your way into new racial narratives. Rule 2: Become curious about the multiple racial narratives in your head. You don’t have to believe or act on them. Rule 3: If you find yourself becoming highly reactive in a racialized encounter, ask yourself if some deep background story from your own life is getting triggered. Rule 4: Acknowledge the necessity of good conflict, and then give yourself permission to set the terms of the interaction. Rule 5: Recognize when “wanting to win” is driving the interaction. Rule 6: When an interaction approaches an impasse, say one true thing. Rule 7: Question the norms . . . notice what surprises you. Rule 8: Be willing to learn. Rule 9: Know when to walk away. Reflections 11. An Enlarged Vision of Human Possibility About Allies and Racial Privilege Remaking the Meaning of Race in Our Lives: A Few Final Words References Index About the Author

About the Author :
Maureen Walker is a licensed psychologist, speaker, educator, and writer who helps people bridge cultural differences such as race, religion, gender, and other social status markers.

Review :
" When Getting Along Is Not Enough is an essentially hopeful book, promoting healthy connections within which 'all participants have an opportunity to grow'." --The Wabash Center Journal on Teaching