How Not to Completely Suck as a New Parent

Are you tired of the earnest advice in conventional parenting books? Do you want to know what’s really in your future as a new parent? Scott Feschuk and Paul Mather both know, all too well, and are happy to tell you with their trademark irreverence what it’s really like to be a new parent. For instance, they tell you that by nine months your baby will inevitably have missed several milestones, sending you into a complete panic. And sooner or later you’ll realize you’re doing everything wrong. The solution is simple: just read a different childcare advice book. Also, if your child has not knocked over something expensive and nice by the age of three, this could be a sign that you don’t have enough things that are expensive and nice. Did you know that a child’s affection for a song is directly proportional to how severely it annoys his mother and father? And, believe it or not, experts estimate that by 2024, the cost of a drunken frat party at a typical postsecondary institution will be $575,000. You owe it to your child to start saving now! Candid and comic, How Not to Completely Suck is a bundle of laughs for frazzled new parents and curious parents-to-be. The perfect gift for a shower or Mother’s Day.

Table of Contents:
Introduction The First Year: Your Newborn’s Appearance Setting Up the Nursery The First Month of Life Diapers The Little Things Resuming Sexual Relations After the Birth of Your Child The Baby Reveal Baby Monitors Memories to Last a Lifetime Baby Clothes Signs You May Have Picked the Wrong Pediatrician Parental Threat Level Good Advice about Bad Advice Getting Back into Shape Travelling with Money Tit for Tat Feeding Your Infant Childprooffing Your Home Questions, Questions The Second Year The Not-So-Newlywed Game The Growth of a Toddler Books Talking to Your Child Fun Activities You Can Do with a Toddler, and Why They’re Not Fun Family Dining Christmas Specials Signs You May Have Picked a Bad Daycare Failed Children’s TV Shows More Questions, Questions The Third Year The Outdoers ABCs Arrgh!: One Man’s Story Cartoon Violence When I Was a Kid… Midnights Teaching Your Child to Think Creatively Going Wiggly How to Talk to Young Children about “Difficult” Subjects: A Guest Chapter by Dr. Ben Agiter, Child Psychologist Jazzy and Gigi Dangerously Sick of Winter Soft Pants Enough with the Questions, Already! The Rest of Your Child’s Life Conclusion: What Does it Mean to Be a Parent? Appendix One Your Second Child Appendix Two Parenting 2015: A One-Act Play

About the Author :
Scott Feschuk former media columnist for the National Post, is the author of Searching For Michael Jackson’s Nose. He is currently the prime minister’s speech writer. Paul Mather is half of the comedy duo Atomic Improv and writes for the hit television show The Monday Report with Rick Mercer.