About the Book
The bone-raw story of a father's failure to bond with his infant twin daughters and his journey through the darkness of paternal depression, a condition that ten percent of new fathers reportedly experience.
Offering hope and illumination, the bone-raw story of a father's failure to bond with his infant twin daughters, and his journey through paternal depression-an often undiagnosed condition that affects millions of new fathers.
After a traumatic birth nearly claimed his wife's life, anesthesiologist and intensive care physician Christopher Choukalas should have felt grateful. His twin daughters were healthy, his wife had survived, and they had started a family. But instead of joy, Choukalas found himself spiraling-spending long evenings in the garage, unable to face the chaos and emotional strain inside his home. Caught between caring for his wife, deciphering the needs of his newborns, and confronting painful childhood memories, his world began to unravel.
Despite clear signs-racing thoughts, anxiety, sleeplessness, panic attacks, and emotional distance from his children-Choukalas failed to recognize he was suffering from a serious condition. Like many men, he internalized his pain, hoping it was just the "baby blues" and would fade with time.
His turning point came when his wife, exhausted with his behavior and "checked-outness," urged him to seek help. Even though he's a doctor, he had missed the fact that he ticked off every symptom of paternal depression. Through intensive therapy, medication, and the support of a fathers' group, Choukalas began to understand his need for control and the lingering hurt from his own father's absence. Slowly, he rebuilt his connection with his wife and children and found healing.
Even the Darkest Night, Choukalas's powerful memoir, sheds light on the hidden struggles of fatherhood. With raw honesty and emotional insight, it challenges the silence and stigma surrounding men's mental health, especially in the early years of parenting. A much-needed voice and new understanding for fathers navigating love, identity, and healing in the shadows of expectation.
About the Author :
Christopher G. Choukalas, MD, MS, is a physician in community practice in Marin County, California. While he is board-certified in anesthesiology and critical care medicine and is a professor in the School of Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, he remains still a student of parenting.
Review :
“We don’t have all the answers when it comes to men’s mental health. But we do know it starts with honest conversations. Dr. Christopher Choukalas brings paternal depression into the light with courage and vulnerability. This book will help countless men feel seen, understood, and less alone in their struggles.”—Jon Gustin, author of The Tired Dad
“Dr. Choukalas shines a light on post-natal depression in men—a condition hiding in plain sight, suffered mostly in silence by millions of new fathers. Choukalas’s story is compelling, his writing is beautiful, and his courage in telling it is something I deeply admire.”—Robert Wachter, MD, chair, Department of Medicine, University of California, San Francisco, and author of A Giant Leap
“This is a gripping, beautifully written story of one father’s journey through deep depression and recovery. Dr. Choukalas’shonest, searching account will resonate with other fathers who are struggling with new parenthood.”—Darby Saxbe, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Southern California, and author of Dad Brain
“This book is long overdue, but I am so glad Dr. Choukalas was brave enough to write it. Brave because so many men will see themselves in his story, yet so many feel they aren’t supposed to talk about it. This book will save lives.”—Jennifer Lincoln, MD, author of The Birth Book
“This brave and insightful book by a new father (who is also a physician) is a beautifully written personal account that offers hope for dads who struggle at this critical time.”—Donna E Stewart, CM, MD, FRCPC, professor of psychiatry and obstetrics/gynecology at the
University of Toronto, Centre for Mental Health
“This authentic and insightful story offers compassion and hope to fathers and their loved ones. Dr. Choukalas’s journey provides reassurance that help is available and healing is possible!”—Jonathan Scarff, MD, psychiatrist, Lexington VA Health Care System
