This is the digital version of the printed book (Copyright © 2002).
The success of systems or software development depends on effective communication. But have you ever had trouble articulating a complex concept? Have you ever doubted that someone truly understood you–or that you completely received someone’s message?
Managers and technical professionals have to communicate effectively in order to understand client requirements, build work-related relationships, meet market demands, and survive time pressures. So often, though, communication breaks down, and nothing gets done (or done well, at least).
Thankfully, Naomi Karten–author of Managing Expectations–is here to help. Readers learn how to improve the way they handle a wide variety of communication conflicts, from one-on-one squabbles to interdepartmental chaos to misinterpretations between providers and customers.
Drawing on a variety of recognizable experiences and on useful models for understanding personalities, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the teachings of family therapist Virginia Satir, Karten provides a series of powerful tools and concepts for resolving communication problems–as well as methods for preventing them in the first place.
Inadequate communications include misunderstood or missed messages, contradictory or mixed messages, and messages that are intentionally sabotaged. As the author notes, these miscommunications “can have a damaging, puzzling, and counterproductive impact on projects and relationships.” Karten helps readers identify many of the common factors that can cause communication gaps. For example,
- mistaken assumptions of understanding
- lack of follow-up
- unfixed project terminology
- emotional baggage
- personality conflicts
- mismatched communication preferences
Karten’s witty, conversational tone makes this book easy to read; her real-life stories and examples make it easy to understand; and her use of hilarious cartoons by Mark Tatro brings her lessons to life.
Communication Gaps and How to Close Them is a must-read for anyone who recognizes that the way he or she communicates in professional encounters, as well as in personal ones, can be improved. With Karten’s useful insights and practical techniques, this book will change not only how you communicate but also how you think about communication.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: Mind the Gap 3
The Ability to Communicate 6
Why Communication Gaps Are Prevalent 7
Closing the Gaps 9
Key Recommendations 14
Gaps Galore 16
Section 1: Gaps in Everyday Interactions 17
Chapter 2: Getting Through: Responsibilities of the Sender 20
Unnoticed Messages 22
Misstated Messages 26
Missed Messages 28
Cluttered Messages 31
Hidden Messages 35
Off-putting Messages 37
One-Sided Messages 40
Unexplained Messages 41
Conflicting Messages 43
Befuddling Messages 44
Informing and Involving 46
Chapter 3: Misinterpretations: How Messages Cause Confusion 49
Two People Separated by a Common Language 50
Terminology Disconnects 53
Clarify, Clarify, Clarify 68
Chapter 4: Untangling Tangled Interactions: Reaction of the Recipient 73
Let Me Count the Ways 75
Ingredients of an Interaction 76
Intake: Candid Camera, with a Twist 82
Interpretation: Multiple Modified Meanings 85
Feelings: What Happens on the Inside 87
How to Put the Model to Use 92
A Few More Guidelines and Some Words of Caution 100
Section 2: Gaps in Building Relationships 103
Chapter 5: Building a Strong Foundation 106
Working Together, Together 107
Foundation-Building Takes Time and Effort 108
Build the Foundation While Building the House 110
Chapter 6: Appreciating and Benefiting from Communication Differences 135
A Framework for Discussing Communication Preferences 136
Where You Get Your Energy: Extraversion (E) versus
Introversion (I) 138
How You Take In Information: Sensing (S) versus
Intuition (N) 144
How You Make Decisions: Thinking (T) versus Feeling (F) 150
How You Relate to the World: Judging (J) versus
Perceiving (P) 154
It Takes All Kinds 159
Chapter 7: Understanding the Other Party’s Perspective 160
On Using a Perspectoscope 162
Start by Scrapping Your Labels 163
Ponder Factors that Influence Other People’s Behavior 167
A Technique for Considering the Possibilities 167
Observe Possibilities from Different Perspectives 172
Become Truly Empathetic 174
Consider Their Case in Making Yours 177
Try Something Different 190
Chapter 8: The Care and Feeding of Relationships 191
Give Thanks 192
Conduct a Temperature Reading 197
Give Personalized Attention 201
Stay Connected 206
Create Communication Metrics 208
Create Relationship-Tending Roles 211
Section 3: Service Gaps 219
Chapter 9: The Communication of Caring 222
Contributors to Customer Satisfaction 223
Universal Grievances 229
Claims of Caring 246
Chapter 10: Gathering Customer Feedback 250
Three Feedback-Gathering Flaws 252
Asking the Right Questions and Asking the Questions Right 258
When and How to Gather Feedback 268
Act on the Feedback Gathered 272
Perceptual Lags 274
Chapter 11: Service Level Agreements: A Powerful Communication Tool 277
Why an SLA Succeeds or Fails 278
Adapting the Tool 297
Section 4: Change Gaps 299
Chapter 12: The Experience of Change 302
Failure to Communicate 303
The Stages of Response to Change 307
Change Models 309
The Satir Change Model 310
Meta-Change 320
Chaos as Status Quo 322
Chapter 13: Changing How You Communicate During Change 323
Respect the Matter of Timing 324
Expect Individual Differences in Response to Change 325
Allow Time for Adjustment 328
Treat the Old Status Quo with Respect 330
Allow People to Vent 332
Listen Proactively 334
Provide Information and More Information 335
Say Something Even When You Have Nothing to Say 337
Empathize, Empathize, Empathize 338
Choose Your Words Carefully 341
Dare to Show People You Care 343
Involve People in Implementing the Change 344
Educate People About the Experience of Change 345
Deal with It! 345
Chapter 14: On Becoming a Gapologist 347
Afterword 350
Bibliography 351
Index 357
About the Author :
Naomi Karten is president of Karten Associates, based in Randolph, Massachusetts. Before forming her business in 1984, Naomi gained extensive experience in technical, customer support, and management positions. She has presented seminars and keynotes to more than 100,000 people internationally to help them deliver superior service, improve communication, strengthen teamwork, and build strong, trusting relationships. For eight years, she was also an instructor for the Weinberg and Weinberg workshop Problem Solving Leadership (PSL). Naomi is the author of several books and eBooks, including Managing Expectations and Presentation Skills for Technical Professionals. Readers have described her newsletter, Perceptions & Realities (posted at www.nkarten.com/newslet.html), as lively, informative, and a breath of fresh air.
