The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity

Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media is filled with stories of married politicians finding their "soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful celebrities. But in the homes of ordinary people everywhere, infidelity triggers complex emotions and events that affect everyone involved. Many marriage and personal therapists have adopted a "me first" mentality, prompting hurt spouses to end their relationships. Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, retired Brown University professor, recommends exactly the opposite. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship. People who cheat act much like those who have other addictions, and brain scans of love-struck individuals show a dramatic increase in the release of dopamine, the same brain neurochemical associated with cocaine abuse. Haltzman does not excuse infidelity by labeling it a sex addiction; it's not orgasm that drives a partner to cheat. Instead, Haltzman coins the term "flame addiction" to describe how, like a moth drawn to the light, people feel compelled to have extramarital intimacy despite all the negative consequences. People who have been cheated on feel shame, rage, and injured self-esteem. Many of them fear abandonment and find it hard to cope. When both partners have made a commitment to move forward together, however, Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed, trust-filled relationship.

Table of Contents:
Prologue 1. Defining Infidelity 2. What's Emotion Got to Do with It? 3. What the Numbers Tell Us 4. Why People Cheat 5. Giving the NOD to an Affair 6. Affair Exposed, Now What? 7. Getting to the Heart of the Matter 8. Forgiveness 9. What to Expect When You're Expecting (a HappyMarriage) 10. Ready to Rebuild? 11. Building a Better Marriage Epilogue Notes About the Author Index

About the Author :
Scott Haltzman, M.D., is a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and former clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University. He is author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men, The Secrets of Happily Married Women, and The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity.

Review :
While keyed specifically to meet the needs of couples coping with the shock and pain of an affair, this vital guide from marriage and infidelity expert Haltzman... contains cogent advice for anyone in a troubled relationship. Publishers Weekly Because Haltzman draws on his own experience providing couples counseling, as well as academic research studies, the guidance he offers is credible and convincing. -- Maria Siano Foreword Reviews The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is well written and easy to read. Furthermore, given its subject matter, it will appeal to a broad audience. Although the discussion of neurotransmitter and neurobiology may seem foreign to some, the vast majority of the book will connect with people, especially those who have been touched by infidelity. -- Chammie Austin PsycCRITIQUES